Signing Garon: a wait-and-see kind of thing?

Aaaaaah!

I'm not sure whether the Oil should sign Mathieu Garon to a long-term contract or not. For one thing, my fantasy league selections have proven that I have no knack for picking out future starting goalies in the NHL. Just when I think Niklas Backstrom is a bonafide Number 1, that punk kid Josh Harding comes along and starts to steal his job way sooner than I thought he would. In 2006, I figured Martin Gerber was a safe bet in Ottawa and he absolutely killed me. Hell, my 1997 fantasy pool team name was "Jim Carey's Net Detectives, featuring Eric Fichaud." Given my history, all goalies seem like huge risks, and knowing that a single save percentage drop can create huge salary cap headaches, I'm leery of rewarding goalies with long contracts without doing due diligence. Even the once-unassailable Miikka Kiprusoff is looking like a bad bet.

As for Garon: if he were a UFA this summer, the Oilers would have been pretty much forced to make a move or try to re-sign him by July 1, as the selection of free agent goalies available this year hasn't been a high-yield crop. Pascal Leclaire, Patrick Lalime and Alex Auld lead the pack alongside the lesser-likes of Mike Morrison, Dan Cloutier and a guy named Mike Brodeur that unaware shoppers might mistaken for Martin Brodeur, the way some people accidentally buy knockoff bottles of Tommy Hillfinger cologne down at the market.

The 2009 UFAs, if they stay that way, offer a better selection: Kari Lehtonen, Niklas Backstrom, Josh Harding, Martin Gerber, Manny Fernandez, Tim Thomas, and Petr Budaj will be available even to oft-spurned suitors like the Oilers. Looking past that, the biggest fish of all, Roberto Luongo, is a UFA in 2010. Problem is, it seems almost impossible to get a bargain on July 1, so it would be tricky for Kevin Lowe to sign a goalie at value.

Complicating things (in a nice way) has been the play of Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers, or "Double Ds" as I call him, who put up a nice .912 SVP % with the Springfield Falcons last year. Recently signed to a two-year contract, Drouin-Deslauriers is expected to push for a spot on the team, especially if Dwayne Roloson's SVP continues to dribble downhill, although it remains to be seen whether he's starter material. Even if Drouin-Deslauriers plays well, however, I wouldn't expect more than say, a .905 SVP, in about a dozen or so games, which still wouldn't resolve the issue of a starting goalie in 2009.

Mathieu Garon's numbers are good, if not spectacular: .913 SVP (17th in the league); .906 Shot Quality Neutral SVP; career .906 SVP in the NHL; along with a nifty, league-best .938 in shootouts, if you think that's statistically relevant enough to matter. You'll be hard pressed to find better value for $1.10 million. What else does Garon have going for him? He's 30, which isn't quite old, and he's apparently a good team guy. Most impressively, the guy can do the splits.

But with only one and a half seasons as a starter under his belt, should the Oilers sign him to a long-term deal now (3+ years), while it still may be cheaper? For how much? Would it be better to try to lure someone younger with more potential, like Kari Lehtonen?

Venture ye, into the mouth of madness

It's a testament to hockey fandom's absurdist sense of humour — not to mention the failings of online democracy — that this ridiculous cacophony of screaming babies, screeching cats and shotgun blasts is currently the front-runner in CBC's ill-conceived "Canada's Hockey Anthem Challenge" to become the new Hockey Night in Canada theme song:


Here's the thing I wrote at that place I work for. But really, Greg Wyshynski's post at Puck Daddy has everything you need to know about Logan Aube's soon-to-be-classic "Hockey Scores."

Lowe Horcs up an extension/Reasoner's gone!

Shawn Horcoff thinks about blasting his quads.

I like the deal ($33 million over 6 years = $5.5 million) although it's by no means a bargain. That said, did we really want to wait until next July to see what kind of pile of money the Thrashers or Leafs might throw at him?

A few thoughts:

- In terms of offensive production, Horcoff has averaged .83 points per game over the last three seasons, nudging towards the top 50 scorers in the league. Whatever Shawn Horcoff doesn't have in elite counting numbers he makes for as a strong two-way, even strength, quality-of-competition gobbler.

- I've seen worse contracts, like almost every other UFA signing since the lockout. Since Horcoff spends most of his off-season rivaling Rod Brind'Amour as the Most Fit Guy in the NHL, I'm not worried that the contract expires when he's 36.

- Dwayne Roloson's salary comes off the books next year, which makes Horcoff's salary easier to swallow. All in all, Kevin Lowe has done a pretty good job this summer.

And the Reasoner was Yoooooouuuu

And so a delightful chapter in Oilers history closes as the gregarious utility forward signs with Atlanta. It kind of sucks to lose the veteran depth, but with guys like Kyle Brodziak developing suddenly a poor-skating 31 year-old became expendable. Rest assured Marty, if you ever need to crash in Edmonton there will always be a few thousand college dudes' couches waiting for you -- and feel free to help yourself to anything from the fridge.

I'm almost ready to care about hockey again

A depiction of a metaphor found in this post.

• As we witness the owner-fan boy destruction of Tampa Bay's franchise, along with the absurd imbalance of bad free agent signings to the badder ones (Jeff Finger leading the pack, of course, although Naslund's contract makes me titter), I have no problem believing that given a nice mahogany desk, a working phone and a Rolodex full of player agents contact info, most bloggers would have better luck putting together a decent team.

What gives me the right to say that? Well, for an obvious example, I don't think anyone in the Oilogosphere would be responsible for Sheldon Souray's $5.4 million contract, the Oilers biggest, most jagged Tetris piece in the Oilers salary cap puzzle for years to come. It still vexes me so, as a bad panic move at the time, and a bad move today, even if the guy scores twenty goals next season. As much as the team wants to generate buzz and sell tickets, they should take note that sentient Oilers fans are actually relieved by what Lowe doesn't sign in the off season. In fact, I've heard reports that some civic-minded citizens actually organized a campaign to bat Kevin Lowe's cellphone out of his hand the first week of July. It worked!

• I'm happy with the Oilers' summer acquisitions, as the Oilers have added some solid players in the Oilers-I-Could-Have-A-Beer-With Department, namely Erik Cole, Lubo Visnovsky and Jason Strudwick. Although I liked Jarret Stoll, I imagine afternoon beers at, say, the Sherwood Park Kelsey's with Raffi Torres, Curtis Glencross and Joni Pitkanen might have been a stilted, awkward affair.

• Even in the McParity of the new NHL, the Toronto Maple Leafs are shaping up to possibly be one of the worst teams we've seen in a longtime. Have you seen their depth chart? Without Sundin, it's scary bad. Penciled into the the first line is Ponikarovsky-Antropov-Steen, three guys that look like they'll barely add up to
50 points each on a scoring line. They have some scoring talent on the backend (Kaberle/McCabe/Kubina), but it doesn't amount to a solid corps, which is rounded out by a couple unproven imports (although Nikolai Kulemin might be good), the plain-as-beans Jeff Finger along with the absurdly fragile (physically and possibly emotionally at this point) Carlo Colaiacovo.

Of course, is it really worth tanking a season to get Brian Burke? As Kevin Lowe may be quick to point out, in Burke's short tenure as GM of the Ducks he made as many bad trades/signings (Bertuzzi, Weight, Bryzgalov, and endless parade of bonus enforcers) as good ones (Pronger, Schneider, dumping Federov's contract onto Columbus' lap), with a lot of luck thrown in (having the brother of Scott Niedermayer on his roster; Teemu Selanne's unexpected resurgence), especially after parachuting into a GM's job just as previous GM Bryan Murray's prospects were beginning to blossom. His own record at developing prospects is also a mixed bag, at best. Granted, all GMs make bad moves, but Burke's reputation for being a hockey genius has more to do with with his outsized persona and the fact that he went to Harvard Law than his success as a GM. Needless to say, I hope he lands in Toronto.

• Greatest news of the off-season? The Oilers didn't sign that even-strength blackhole known as Darcy Tucker, who is a human piece of garbage. Nor did they sign a fat guy with a bad back going by the name Todd Bertuzzi. I have a feeling the boos will be extra lusty when the Flames come to town. And righteous. (For a delectable summary of Todd Bertuzzi's contributions to the game of hockey, check out Bruce's summary about half way down this BoA thread)

• And The Hockey Writer Going off the Rails Award goes to this guy, for this story on Todd Bertuzzi. Just read it. Tickling the Toledos? Little (Sea of) Red wagon? Who the hell is this dude?

Sens get more teeth

Word from TSN is that the Sens have signed Jason Smith, former Oilers captain and all-around gentleman badass, the type of man potent enough to impregnate the entire Edmonton Eskimos cheerleading squad with nothing but an arched eyebrow and a smile and stand-up enough to raise every last one of those children to full maturity, ensuring they grow up with solid morals and a healthy respect for their elders.

Nevertheless, he continues to spend his days as a rough-and-tumble defenceman who enjoys blocking shots and hitting people, particularly the latter. (If I may go all Lowetide for a second, I remember one of the first games Jason Smith ever played as an Oiler; Jeff Friesen, I believe, was coming down the right side, and looked to have a half-step or so on Smith. As Friesen tried to go around him, Smith very calmly swiveled his hips ever so slightly towards the net and proceeded to punch Friesen directly in the face, then ride his crumpled form into the end boards. From then on, I knew we were getting a special kind of defenceman.) He's not elite, but he'll shut down who you need him to shut down, and should be a pretty solid veteran pickup for the Sens, someone to replace Mike Commodore, at the very least.

Sail on, Gator.

Meet the newest cocksucking SOB

Curtis Glencross is now a member of the Calgary Flames (there wasn't a specific story on it yet; I'll update the link when I begin to care).

The signing certainly makes a lot of sense from the Flames point of view, given that the man they call GlenX basically wrecked up the place any time he played the Flames (5 of his 15 goals in 5 games, never mind the fighting and hitting and swearing and seducing of their sisters and insulting of the quality of their mothers' meatloaves).

I would have liked to see Glencross back, though not for anything near the $2 mil or so he was supposedly asking for; if the Flames actually gave him that much, I'm going to thoroughly enjoy watching him earn about $200k per goal next year (otherwise known as "being a member of the Calgary Flames not named Jarome Iginla"). If they got him for the much more reasonable, sane $1 million-ish dollars that I would have happily locked him up for, then I'll be both a little baffled and a little pissed that he isn't still an Oiler.

Either way, though, I can't imagine I'm going to like seeing him in a Flames jersey six times a year.

Well, there goes that.

Surprise! Marian Hossa has signed a one-year, $7.4-million deal with the Detroit Red Wings, TSN reports. This, despite the Olympic-sized swimming pool packed to the brim with $100 bills that Edmonton was said to be offering.

Oiler fans, welcome back to Earth; you may recognize it as the planet where elite players take less money to skate with teams that win.

Don't catch the door with a questionable hit on your way out

Raffi Torres is gone. Joni Pitkänen is also gone. Gilbert Brule and Erik Cole are in.

First off, I'm incredibly glad to see Raffi go. I know he could "keep his head above water" against "tougher opposition," but that doesn't change the fact he was a dirty motherfucker with a chin landing strip who consistently failed to produce offense in almost any situation (excluding the one year he had 27 goals, which I'm convinced is a fluke on his way towards being what he really is, a useful fourth-line plugger). I'm generally of the opinion that there is no such thing as players who you hate to see play for other teams but would love to have on yours: if Raffi Torres had spent the last five years as a Calgary Flame, I'd have had dreams about serving his head to a group of foreign dignitaries with an apple in the mouth and two candied figs for eyes, and I don't think he gets a free pass for being a cheap shot artist just because he wore copper and blue. I am not sad at all that he is no longer an Edmonton Oiler.

That said, I'm not really sure what to make of these two trades. Brule might become something, I guess, but our team is not exactly hurting for young, smallish centres at the moment. Erik Cole is a more consistent, better version of Torres, albeit a version who also broke his neck a little while back and has only scored 30 goals once in his career. That said, he might be a nice fit on a top line, a shooter for Hemsky and Horcoff. Obviously, though, I'm not happy to see Joni Pitkänen go, and I expect him to promptly become a 50+ point defenceman for the next 10 years or so.

Over the last weekend, we've lost Stoll, Greene, Pitkänen and Torres and picked up Visnovsky, Cole and Brule. So, basically, we've got a slightly older version of Torres, a much older version of Pitkanen and another Rob Schremp, and lost two other players who I wasn't really expecting much out of anyway. I don't think I understand this.

But, again, I'm really happy to see Raffi Torres gone. That is all.

Colour me hesitant mauve

Now, as a straight-up trade, Jarret Stoll and Matt Greene for Lubomir Visnovsky (pictured left, using his Slovakian charm to get himself out of a speeding ticket, or something) is of course incredible, the kind of trade the Oilers always used to be on the other end of, happily gobbling up middling players with question marks or unproven youngsters with potential (say, when was the last time we made that kind of trade?) in exchange for a proven but possibly declining veteran.

But things will follow this. Joni Pitkanen is probably gone, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Actually, wait, no, I really love somewhat chaotic, flaky Finnish defenceman, especially 24-year-old ones who are capable of skating an entire lap with three effortless, platonic strides. Also, thanks to Wikipedia, I just found out that Pitkanen is supposedly spelled Pitkänen, because apparently Joni Pitkänen is not the kind of man who tells you he's awesome, he's the kind of man who rips your intestines out with his penis and uses them to spell "I'm awesome" on your motherfucking grave. With umlauts. I'm really not happy about that.

Basically what I'm saying is, this deal in and of itself is fine, but I won't know if I'm happy or not until I see what follows. I think there's a slight danger that Visnovsky might be declining with age (and he's now the second expensive, offensive-minded 30+ defenceman we have locked up long term) but he'll probably be pretty good for the duration of his contract. I might be happy if the roster stayed roughly the same (if that's even financially possible), but then a whole lot of things would have to go right up front: we'd almost be like a much more slick, European version of the Flames (sans the goalie, of course). And if Joni really müst go, whoever comes back had better be able to both play hockey and shred a guitar like it was a finely aged parmesan.

(PS Hat tip to Lowetide for the news.)