Monday, November 14, 2005

ESPN with a side of Schremp

As Chris pointed out, I've spent the last five days in the land they call Disney (yes, I'm 21 years old, and yes, my parents paid for me—some of us never grow up). Anyway, whilst down there, I got to take in some ESPN, specifically their flagship program, SportsCenter. And I have to say, man, is that ever a terrible program. Seriously, I understand that they have a lot of sports to cover, but their typical highlight package is about 15 seconds long, maybe. They show two, maybe three plays (and not the full play, either, just the end result), flash the score and the top players at the bottom of the screen, and it's on to another game. This wasn't just for hockey, either: every single game they showed had about as much information as the Score's ticker, with a flashy visual or two. All so they could get back to having one of their commentators be the fake GM of the Chicago Cubs, or whatever. Canadian networks have their problems, but man, this cock-teasery was worse than not seeing anything at all. ESPN, you get two big Mickey Mouse thumbs down.

Anyway, on to the update. Also, again as Chris said, I swear there will be more than just missed game reviews in the near future. Totally.

Marc-Antoine Pouliot

GP: 14
G: 2
A: 7
Pts: 9

Notes: This was something of a rough week for Pouliot, despite being promoted to the starting lineup. After recording one assist and playing pretty solidly in a 2–1 win over Binghamton (according to any information I could find), he was pretty much invisible in 5–1 and 5–2 wins over Cleveland and Grand Rapids, respectively (he was actually -1 in the second game), with only one shot over the two games. It's a sad day in Hamiltonville.

Robbie Schremp
GP: 14
G: 19
A: 33
Pts: 52

Notes: You know what Schremp needs? A nickname. MAP could probably use one, too, but Schremp's play definitely deserves an affectionate nickname. For now, I'm going to go with "Jumbo," but it seems to me that there have to be better options out there. Anyway, Jumbo had another "big" week, including a five point game against the Erie Otters. He's still four points behind linemate David Bolland for the scoring lead, but he should overtake him this week sometime, given the clip he's going at. Oh, also, he's got 13 powerplay goals (I can't find how many assists, but let's assume he has about the same percentage of assits on the powerplay and call it about 23, giving him, probably, 36 PP points. Probably. Those are the wonders of math, friends). He's also plus eight; Bolland has four more points and is minus two, so I'm assuming Schremp has picked up the defence a little.

Andrew Cogliano
Since he's only in college, I'm only going to update Cogs intermittently, and this isn't one of those weeks, because I'm lazy.

EDIT: Steve Smith is anal-retentive, and he ruined our 1986 Cup run. But he does know his their/there/they're.


Anonymous said...

Jacques is going to play his way onto your updates over MAP if he keeps it up in Hamilton.

It seems like the guy scores a goal and gets in a fight every night.

mike w said...

I'm sorry ESPN teased your cock, Dave.

Cogliano's been hot with 7 goals, 9 assists and 16 points in 11 games played. He's tied for sixth in scoring with a few other guys, so he's doing well.

Schremp nickname, eh? Well if players have their way it'll be "Schrempie" or "Schremper". I think Chopper and Gator are the most original nicknames the Oilers have, and their origins barely comprise an anecdote (Moreau slashed a lot as a rookie, Jason Smith really really likes, you guessed it, the Florida Gators!)

Just once I wish we had players nicknamed "The Kaiser," "Bobcat," or "Dr. Jazz."

Anonymous said...

I'm not so sure about the Chopper name... I once had a teammate named Chopper, for an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT reason....

Prus said...

I've got to agree with you Dave. When i was in Minnesota for the start of the NHL season i nearly cried. Sure going to the game in person was great, but getting back to my hotel to be subject to the shitty ESPN Sportscenter made me cry and yearn for TSN and Sportsnet. Not the least because they spent like 10 minutes on meaningless preseason NBA talk and 2 mintues scrolling through all 15 NHL games on the night.

TSN is indeed the Toronto Sports Network, but they do hockey gooder

Colby Cosh said...

Kids these days--they just don't know the value of a little research. From a London Free Press profile of Schremp:

Favourite action figures: “I don’t know, but I had a pair of Transformers boots that I used to wear all the time. My mom kept five pigs at home and I would walk around the mud in those boots.”

Now I don't know about you, but it seems to me that the naturally concomitant nickname for a player of this calibre can be nothing less than Rob "Optimus Prime" Schremp. Make this happen.

Anonymous said...

Who's Chopper? Apparently it was Al McInnis's nickname for his last few years, but that might have been a St. Louis-thing. I guess I can see it.
Uhhh... Mud, Ad, Newsy, Le Grand Boite, Todd Flanders, Robbie, Skookum Rob.
Oh, crap it's obvious: Rob "Bubba Gump" Schremp.

Pleasure Motors said...

Man, I like "Bubba Gump," but my latent Transformer nerd is totally intrigued by the possibilities of a Transformer nickname. However, if we're going to go with a "Prime," I'd have to suggest not Optimus, but Rodimus, for one reason: it's easily changeable to, that's right, ROBIMUS PRIME . Huh? Tell me that's not awesome.

Ergo, from this day forth, he shall be known, probably only to me, as Robimus Prime. Or possibly "Hot Rob." (I'm pretty sure maybe two of our regular readers will actually appreciate that joke. Sigh.)

Steve said...

1. You said "they're" when you meant "their". What do you do for a living, again? Don't make me exit this office and express a little inappropriate comment on matters editorial.

2. This has nothing to do with anything, but did you know there used to be a major leage pitcher whose actual *legal name* was "Kaiser Wilhelm"? Somewhere around 1900. I think he was on the Pirates.

3. As for Schremp nicknames, how about we go with "Better than two thirds of the Oilers' roster"? It's a little comubursome, but I think it could catch on.

Chris said...

Robimus Prime..that's just awesome. Everyone must now use that until its a thing.