Saturday, February 11, 2006

Girls love hockey!

The following is courtesy of Chris!'s friend, Kristine, who was actually on hand last night to watch the Oilers totally gas it to the Minnesota Wild. She also knows lots about hockey.

Uh ... hi. My name’s Kristine, and I’ve been asked to guest-write about last night’s Oilers-Minnesota game. This is a little intimidating, as a) I hear Covered in Oil has gained a reputation of sorts for being “good,” and b) I know very little about hockey. So before I start, I just want to get a few things off my chest: first, I only really got into caring about hockey two years ago when Chris made me realize that I really had no other choice if I wanted to hang out with him most nights of the week. Second, I’ve only been to three Oilers games since I was about eight. All of them were against Minnesota, and we lost all of them. Badly. Third, what really got me into hockey was not, in fact, being disappointed time after time watching the Oilers get their asses kicked by Minnesota, believe it or not, but the—wait for it—Calgary Flames in the playoffs two years ago. Yes, I’m one of those fans.

Anyway, now that you know not to trust my opinion at all, onto last night’s game. First, a note to Chris: yes, some standing-room-only areas have bars to put your beer on/lean on, but not all—in fact, some are just little tiny squares placed awkwardly behind other people’s seats, so you get to stand there all game hovering uncomfortably behind the drunk idiots in front of you. But hey, at least they gave us their popcorn. And at least none of us are fat, as I’m pretty sure no one over about 150 pounds (or with broad shoulders) would be able to fit in those squares, which are about six inches wide.

As for the game itself, I decided I’d bring a notepad so I’d be able to sound informed when I had to sit down and write this. Of course, when you’re trying to stand and drink at the same time in your six-inch-wide square, it’s pretty hard to take comprehensive notes. Still, I hope what I wrote down will give you a decent sense of the progress of the game:

-Someone who sucks
-Someone else who sucks
-Laraque fighting!
-Drugs in popcorn [this was in reference to the fact that after the guy in front of us gave us his popcorn at intermission they immediately brought a bunch of guys in giant inflatable Oilers suits—heads included—out on the ice to play a little game of what I’d like to call “creepy hockey.” All three of us thought they were just a bunch of little kids with, like, down syndrome or something for the first couple of seconds.]
-Drunk guy (after two more people who suck) [a reference to an extremely drunk guy standing behind us who was screaming at the usher (they’re still called ushers at hockey games, right?) about the Oilers defense, and reminded me more than a little of a certain someone who frequents the Garneau Pub.]
-3 on 5s = shitty
-SCORE!!! Harvey. Weird. [I hadn’t even heard of Harvey until a few weeks ago.]

So, as you can deduce from the above, we totally shit the bed, as we always seem to do when we play the Wild (or maybe its just when I’m at games). Like 6–3 shit the bed. What else can I say? I guess we did what we always do, which is only started to try when we were down 3–0, at which point it was way too late, and totally failed to take advantage of every power play opportunity we had. All in all, a disappointing and relatively boring night. Although one of the girls I was with had never been to a game before in her life, and it was kind of endearing watching her yell at other fans for booing and saying things like, “Well, at least I got to see them score three goals!” Also, I’m a condescending bitch.

Uh, anyway, thanks for hearing me out. I like your blog!!!