Thursday, February 2, 2006

Lame real-time game review

Once again forgetting to set my VCR (how do I hold on to a job?), I'm reduced to watching the game ticker on Yahoo at work like a yutz.

5 Minutes into the first: Ugh. The dinnerbreak gyro and fries aren't sitting too well. And seriously, a four-game winning streak with guys like Goertzen, Balastik, and Hainsey? I also remember Oilers rejects Vyborney, Richardson and Chimera very well. I want total victory. I want blood. I want to see their heads on pikes!

15 minutes into the first: A boring game, I think. Goddamnit. Just got a pile of work to do. Good thing I had blogger open for my boss to see.

End of the first: 9 shots total equals bad hockey game. It's one thing to blank Calgary, since they barely score 2.5 goals a game, but I don't think the Blue Jackets be lucky twice... er, I think. JF Jacques has more than two minutes? MacT's feeling generous. I imagine Gene Principe is interviewing Ryan Smyth right now: "Yeah, well we just have to get the puck on the net... [towels off forehead], create more chances and stay aggressive."

Start of the second: I'm gonna go out on a limb and bet that the Safeway Score And Win winner will be a woman with a Ukrainian surname from St. Albert.

8 minutes into the second: In describing the play, Ray Ferraro has probably already used a mixed metaphor with the phrase "scrambled eggs." Meanwhile, I narrowly avoided more work by not answering a call from our Equicom client.

18 minutes into the second: Well, we're outshooting our opponent again, this time by a 2 to 1 margin. Collective blueballs of the proverbial orbs?

End of the second: For playing a true road game, I've got to hand it to Columbus. Then again, I'm gonna have to take it away for extending Doug MacLean's contract. This is the GM that will sign anything with a pulse for ten million over 5 years. Great news for Oil fans. (Maybe he'll snag Mark Recchi for 3 mill a year next off-season).

2 minutes into the third: I'm not liking the way this is going. "Come on you jackasses!" he thinks real hard, into his Dell dual monitors.

8 minutes into the third: What we need is one of those game-breaking goals from the point. Maybe Staios or Spacek. Bank shot off of Luke "2.09 million for 10 minutes a game" Richardson.

13 minutes into the third: The yahoo clock has been on 8:57 for 10 minutes now. What's going on? Compound fracture? A little Clint Malarchuk-type deal?

5 minutes left: Another Yahoo refresh and I'm almost spraying Chai tea across my monitors. GOOOAAAALLL! And I called it! I called it! Staios gets the goal to break open the game! Being at work, I reduce my cheer to a repressed fist pump at my side. These Toronto people would never understand.

3 minutes left: No sooner than I post this, Zherdev ties the game. LICK MY SCROT, ZHERDEV.

OT: nothing but refreshing

Shootout: Web suspense! With one's heart beating, one last click of the refresh button on the Oilers website ("Would you like to run and install Macromedia Flash Player 8?" No!) and... AND? "Blue Jackets steal win in Marathon Shootout."

They did it again! (Quick recall of any recent posts on Battle of Alberta, especially taunts at Flames' fans for losing to the Jackets in an identical fashion the previous night... I think I'm okay there).

Anything to help Columbus reach a record of 5-straight franchise wins, I guess. Anyway, off for beers!


Matt said...

Might-Not-Show-Up-On-Ticker Dept: within 5 minutes in the first period, Stoll (with the puck) hit Laraque in the head AND Harvey in the nads.

Ukranian broad: still standing by...

Julian said...

someone posted this on the BoA, but I thought it was worth passing on here...

of course, a couple people at HF got all offended by it....

mike w said...

That's like the time Oilfans got all their feathers ruffled by:

And yet, wasn't his save % terrible? Some fans can't handle the truth.

Julian said...

Well, I laughed, but maybe I just have a more disturbed sense of humour than I thought I did.

Julian said...

and uh, that's supposed to be center, as opposed to centre.

sacamano said...

Sadly, I didn't fare so well with respect to the Flame taunting. Sigh.

mudcrutch79 said...

5 Cups to 1. It's tried and true.

Colby Cosh said...

Incidentally, I didn't catch the surname on the Safeway Score & Win, but it was a lady from St. Albert.