Friday, April 21, 2006

Are you ready to BRING IT?

Alright, you dadhumpers — it's been three long, boring years since I last watched an Oilers playoff game, and rest assured that my willingness to "do this thing," as it were, is at maximum capacity. HOWEVER! In a cruel twist of fate, now that we've finally made it back, I'm stuck in fucking Ontario with CBC's eastern feed, which will instead be broadcasting the thrilling series opener between the Ottawa Senators and the Tampa Bay Lightning. My only hope is that the cable listings aren't lying to me and there will, in fact, be a western CBC feed available somewhere in the 130s. Guess I probably should have looked into that before I invited all the Edmonton ex-pats over to the ol' Friendnasium tonight. Ah well. If it's not on, we can always play Scrabble and, I don't know. Cry tears of blood.

Regardless, should be a hell of a game tonight. Predictions: Shawn Horcoff opens the scoring 12 seconds in; Pronger gets two assists on the powerplay; GG comes out swinging like that guy Mikey and I saw fighting a tree on Queen East a couple Saturdays ago and actually murders Henrik Zetterberg (no call); Steve Yzerman suffers a massive heart attack in front of his own goal, accidentally kicks Manny Legace in the throat with his skate while falling to the ice; a stray cat steps on the Zamboni's ignition switch late in the third, the audience shrieks in horror as it speeds directly towards the Detroit bench. Mike Babcock attempts to use Kris Draper as a human shield just before impact, but no Red Wing survives the explosion. Oilers still lose 3-2.

Also: thus begins a new Covered in Oil feature, BEARDWATCH, in which I proceed to walk around looking like someone stapled a syphilitic raccoon pelt to my face in the hopes it will somehow help the Oilers win. Aside from a woefully miscalculated (and mercifully forgotten) goatee back in 2002, this is my first attempt at any sort of facial hair, for — as you can see by the photo — rather obvious reasons. Believe it or not, this is three days' worth of growth.

Anyhow, I'll be cultivating this smattering of wire-brush sweepings for as long as the Oilers are in the playoffs, with photo updates before each game. Is that supposed to be interesting? You decide. (The answer is "clearly.")

In conclusion! Here we go, Oilers. Here we go.


Clap clap.

6 comments:

mudcrutch79 said...

Maybe I'm retarded but how difficult is it to schedule these fucking games so that there aren't conflicts? All the TO Oil fans I know are scrambling. Stupid, stupid CBC.

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

never even thought of that - shit

and I've got the kids tonight - figured they'd be in bed - have a guinness, watch the game

now I have to take them to a bar with me

Pleasure Motors said...

Ha! My western CBC feeds are plentiful! Why, I could actually even watch this game from the comfort of my home, if I so desired! Score one for Edmonton!

I'm so lonely...

Chris! said...

I phoned Rogers and asked if there was any way I could see CBC's western feed on my current cable package, and they said all I would need to do is order some $2.99 a month time-shift add-on that would unlock the western channels in the early 100s.

I said I'd get back to them, cuz I'm kind of confused. Listings say i should be able to watch the Oilers on channels 130, 131 or 132 at 7pm, which I totally have access to already — but there's no way to know that these are, indeed, western feeds for sure until my friends are over and the puck drops.

I suppose if I discover I don't get it I can always phone Rogers back and get that time-shift thing. has anyone else tried this?

mudcrutch79 said...

It's three bucks. Order it to be safe and then cancel it after the series.

Dennis said...

Normally I'd agree with Mud and say fuck it...get the time-shifting deal because it's only three bucks.

BUT...I think it was like two or three years ago when the Isles were playing the Sens and at the time BEV, Bell ExpressVu, wasn't offering CBC Ottawa as one of their affilates. So I think the Sens series was clashing with TO/Philly and those in Ott with BEV weren't going to be able to see the Sens. So BEV decided to unlock one CI channel for everyone and pipe in the CBC Ott feed. So why didn't Rogers offer to do the same thing for you when you called them?

You shouldn't have to spend an extra three bucks. I'm an Oilers fan in St. John's and I have BEV and that means I have a tonne of CBC affliates but Edm isn't one of them. This might present a problem come Tues and Thurs when we play at the same time as Cgy but I'm guessing/hoping that CBC Van will continue to show the Oilers series.

If they don't then I'll drive BEV nuts before Game 4 comes around. I still don't know why they'd offer CBC Calgary and not CBC Edmonton.