Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Blue Mile

I live two blocks off of Whyte Ave. Normally, this affords me the opportunity to be quite close to University, and to be in the centre of some of the more interesting theatres, restaurants and movie rental places in Edmonton, to say nothing of within hobbling distance of three good liquor stores and at least one good bar (plus the Garneau Pub).

Today, it affords me the chance to have heard unrepentant honking and "woo"s for the last hour, when I have to be up early tomorrow. It is give and take.

However, since this madness shows no sign of abetting, I thought I'd contribute: last Friday, during game one, we were discussing the need for some slogans for our own edition of the "Red Mile"; after all, Calgarians need only scream "SHIRTS OFF FOR KIPRUSOFF!" to see a bevy of mammary glands of all shapes and sizes, and we felt we need some kind of Oiler version. Here is what we came up with.

Shirts off for Samsonov! (not original, but it will probably get the breasts out all the same; alternatively, "Shirts off for Ulanov" might work, but probably only on Heather)

Show your pole for Stoll! (a female/homosexual-friendly chant)

Turn me on for Bergeron! (perhaps a little too subtle for the type of person who will be displaying private bits in public)

Show your tits for the Smy/iths! (maybe too direct)

Show your cock for Laraque! (ditto, and he's not playing much this series)

A little longer for Chris Pronger! (this one has to be used in conjunction with one of the other chants, obviously)

Any other suggestions for keeping this retard train a-wooing?

34 comments:

Loxy said...

I think Lowe rhymes with a lot of things, including blow.

Just a thought.

eun said...

For the benefit of the ladies: Show us your Peca! (what? too obvious?)

mike w said...

How about "Show me your breasts while I makeout with this lipsticked hobo behind an A&W dumpster, for, uh... Rem Murray!"

Also, Dave, this post is disgusting.

Colby Cosh said...

If the girls on Whyte Avenue looked anything like the ditch pigs on the Red Mile, then I suggest:

"For God's sake, harlots, cover yourselves in the name of all that is holy...... for Roli."

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

How about "A hummer for the Hemmer"?

We're all going to hell.

Eau de Chacin said...

A Cleveland Steamer for Peter Klima? Wait, wrong era.

roddie said...

"Sit on my lap so they'll stop using the trap."

Stars are down 2-0 and have to win tonight, I needed a distraction.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I thought it was "Tops off for Kiprusoff!"... ya'know... that whole rhyming thing.

Anonymous said...

And Horcoff doesn't get any appreciation?

Pleasure Motors said...

Off and off technically aren't a rhyme.

Furthermore, Mike, I didn't invent the stupid tradition, I'm just propagating it. Besides, this will let me hear something other than "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNKKKK! WOOOOOOO!!! OILERS!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNKKKK!!!" until 3am.

I'm also willing to bet that, if this does become a trend, at least one girl from my high school class will end up on the cover of the Sun, or a website (anyone have oilersgirls.com yet?).

Eyeris said...

Salad toss for Cory Cross?

This can be considered as pro-Oilers, right guys? Also, I'm a little disgusted by myself.

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

Pork for Horc?

Chris said...

What about "Take it off, for Horcoff" it works if you break his name into two syllabls.

Anonymous said...

"tops of for horcoff"

Not original, but still works

Colby Cosh said...

Why am I sitting here trying to find a way to rhyme "jaw-fuck" with "Terry Sawchuk." I am a sorry excuse for a grown man.

Dennis said...

It is with much regret that I report I never did check out flamesgirls.com.

And if you can't come up with something good when it comes to Jean-Francois Jacques then you're just not trying:D

Dave said...

At the risk of being a total pig:

"CLIIIII-TORRES"

lowetide said...

Show me your Salo.

Dennis said...

"I need a fuckbuddy...let's do it for Huddy"

Because I'm thinking we can bring coaches into this too?:)

Catrin said...

Gee, Hockey *is* fun! I am tempted to learn some of the team members' names just to be able to participate in this dirty, dirty debate.

speeds said...

I'm kinda interested in which bar on whyte you think is the good one? I'm about a block off Whyte myself, it was pretty nuts for a Tuesday night last night.

jrk said...

When trying to incite homosexual activity:

DO SOMETHING GAY-OSE
FOR STEVE STAIOS

A little specific, I'll concede, but you can never really have too many arrows in your quiver.

lowetide said...

To celebrate Rolo's Won-Loss "ratio",
How about...

nah..

the Prez said...

This would explain why our site got 108 hits yesterday. There are many things that rhyme with "Dvorak", and I feel bad for him because he seems to be easily forgettable.

Also, it's "Pants off for Ulanov."

mudcrutch79 said...

Also, it's "Pants off for Ulanov."

Is that a chant or a personal philosophy?

raoulduke said...

"Please present your chest, for Smytty and the rest."

"Display your boobs in a hurry, for floppy-necked Murray."

studying for exams is overrated...

Loxy said...

With all the sexual innuendos circulating, I'm surprised no one has targetting Mr. MAP with his mono.

sacamano said...

Wait, 27 comments, and nothing for Pisani?

lowetide said...

Granny rhymes with Pisani maybe we can work something around that?

Anonymous said...

Show me your smytties

Matt said...

I can totally see a group of 5-6 very hammered 20-yr-old guys, walking naked from the waist down past the ol' donair shop, chanting, "ORBS-of-POW-er [clap- clap- clapclapclap]".

So PM, if you hear that chant, maybe pull back the curtain and check.

Pleasure Motors said...

I can totally see a group of 5-6 very hammered 20-yr-old guys, walking naked from the waist down past the ol' donair shop, chanting, "ORBS-of-POW-er [clap- clap- clapclapclap]".

If I hear that, I'm inviting those guys in for a drink.

Anonymous said...

i just woke-up from the party on whyte ave....

Anonymous said...

How about this for a slogan guys: Jerk-off for Horcoff!!!