Saturday, April 1, 2006

Hard times at the Friendnasium...

Oilers 1
Braying Jackasses 4

You know, it's not often that I manage to get a few pals together on a Saturday night at the old "Friendnasium," and no one but me likes to call my apartment, and convince them to spend it lazing about watching the Oilers game instead of doing something a little more interesting and/or fun — so you think the least Edmonton could do in return is not, you know, suck shit. But, judging from the level and severity of tonight's shitsuckery, they must not have got the email declaring my intentions on time. Which is a shame, because I made sure to find the e-card with the most dancing unicorns you could possibly fit onto an average computer monitor.

Anyhow, Jesus god am I tired of watching the Flames beat the Oilers. And tonight was only made worse by the fact that the Oil seemed to be playing a fairly decent game: intensity was high, the hits were flying left and right, GG took it upon himself to make Chris Simon just that much more stupid with a little fist surgery to the base of his brain... it was all coming up Edmonton until we decided that the puck was in fact made from pure, galvanized polio instead of rubber and hence it should be deposited onto the stick of the nearest attacking Flame at every reasonable opportunity. I must have seen at least seven or eight giveaways in our own zone tonight, and two of them — both involving the regularly outclassed tandem of Jason Smith and Dick Tarnstrom, curiously — resulted in goals.

Roloson didn't seem to have much of a chance on any of the goals, but I still can't shake the feeling that to say that is total bullshit. If this team is going to make the playoffs, they need a goaltender who saves that fourth goal. Right now, we don't. And I wonder if we're going to make the playoffs at all. As I write this, San Jose has managed to "engineer a comeback" from a 3-1 deficit in Phoenix to tie it for overtime, just as Jim Hughson prophecized (incidentally, I enjoyed his overly florid commentary tonight; he was a lot more animated than usual, and I appreciated the fact that he made no bones about how completely retarded the refs were to not blow the play dead on a delayed Oilers call, even though we had the puck the entire time leading up to when we scored. Whuh?), which means we may not have merely lost to a hated rival, but also allowed the gap between eighth and ninth to be narrowed.

Seriously, are we going to make the playoffs with this team? On nights like tonight, it hardly seems we deserve to. And what will we do even if we do squeak in? Are we good enough to win one series? Maybe. Two? I sincerely doubt it. There are still a lot of holes in our game, kids, and I hope there's still time to fix it. Maybe we should do the novel thing and give Rollie a break by sliding Markkanen in instead of riding poor Dwayne into the ground like a stolen Hyundai.

Anyhow. No matter what, I think we can all take one thing away from this meandering half-drunk post tonight: I need a way less ugly couch.


Vic Ferrari said...

I'm down with the couch. But that bare wall is a problem.

You need a big f**kin' mural there (or BFM, as we say here in Alberta).

mike w said...

You can feel the unfun of an Oilers loss in that picture. You'll notice the notepad on the table: even the doodle that I drew of Bryan Hall eating Tony Roma's ribs didn't cheer me up.

Colby Cosh said...

Why didn't you just post the doodle instead of talking about the game? I think everybody will back me up on this.

lowetide said...

Couch is fine, but you need to do something with that giant Star Trek glowing object that appears to be shedding light on a small portion of the room.

Not trying to be an ass, but less than $50 dollars will get you a nice standup lamp with multiple levels of light shedding that will make the room look cleaner.

Perhaps a couple of plants and vic is right something on the wall would be good.

Hit Wal-Mart buddy and stop at Ikea for the couch later in the spring.

Save some room in the trunk for a coffee table and two end tables and some knick-knacks.

Don't forget coasters.

Reading this back, it's a good thing I'm secure in my manhood. :-)

Anonymous said...

You're not going to believe I had that same couch.

Another loss to the Flamers. These losses are like cold headaches from drinking your slurpee too fast, the pain is worse every time.


Chris! said...

Hey, cut me some slack on the bare wall, Lowetide; I just moved in a month ago and I've yet to find an Anne Geddes store in Toronto with a big enough print of those babies in the multi-coloured paint cans. Until then, Robocop will have to hold the fort.

And despite the fact that the prolonged shutter speed made it look like some mysterious glowing orb, I assure you that my floor lamp is quite tasteful and creates a warm, inviting mood lighting.

lowetide said...

Okay, good. My wife gave me hell when she read my post (hasn't she got anything better to do?) and mentioned my dubious taste in all things.

So what I wanted my 1977 Deborah Harry poster in our living room when we were married? How long does a guy have to pay for one mistake?

Halfwise said...

mmm Deborah Harry

Oilers are making it easier for a loyal fan to contemplate large scale housecleaning this summer even if it leads to a rebuilding year.

Lord give me patience - and give it to me NOW!

mike w said...

After last night's loss it's hard not to admit that suddenly baseball season has an innocent allure. Can the Blue Jays Gustavo Chacin win my heart again? Will Eric Hinske spazz and suck his way into another disappointing season?

To make the playoffs, James Mirtle speculates that the Oilers will have to go 4-2-1 against these teams:

St. Louis

Like all Oil fans, last night's game was a disappointment, but it was also a night of bad breaks. The good news is that redemption is still in the team's hands, especially since the schedule is mostly against the soft underbelly of the Western Conference. Can the Oilers do it? Based on the last ten games I'd say maybe, although I just wish the defence didn't suck so much in big games.

Talking about next year's UFAs: Gerber. How much is he worth to the Oilers? $2.5 million if the Canes poop out in the playoffs? $5 million if they win it all?

case said...

i may be overreacting but the disallowed staois the fuck are those guys professional refs. 'we forgot to blow the whistle, hey, that kinda changed the outcome of the game. i guess a few seconds got lost there too. whoops.' i say ref suspensions all round and a rematch where georges and simon play net.

Loxy said...

Circa 1995, I had that couch in my basement. My college-aged cousin needed somewhere to leave his furniture.

I can't otherwise talk about the decor, I live in a bonafide frat house.

Kris M said...

That couch truly licks balls. That's sure a nice-lookin' dish-chair on the right there, though.

mudcrutch79 said...

But that bare wall is a problem.

Bare wall is THE style for the mid-20's single man.

I'm not as housebroken as LT so I can offer no other comments on decor other than to say that this just further strengthens my theory that women live in much nicer places than men of a similar age.

Watched the game in a bar with a Flames fan. I made the smart move though and left early with a girl-it was just obviously one of those nights, although there was a glimmer of magic when Horc popped one and Laraque destroyed Simon. By the way, since when does CBC replay fights? That's a new one to me.

MetroGnome said...

I have added "shitsuckery" to my vocab. Thanks!

Loxy said...

...this just further strengthens my theory that women live in much nicer places than men of a similar age.

Nice to know that I'm an exception to your rule.

mudcrutch79 said...

Nice to know that I'm an exception to your rule.

Nah, you're younger than me. I'm sure that you'd be horrified by most male only environments of the same age.

Of course, the "I have a girlfriend who lives at home with her parents so we can only have sex at my place and she refuses to copulate in filth" corrolary is a powerful one and not to be overlooked. Still, generally speaking, my rule is pretty slick.

randy said...

The good ship Oil is starting list -- the highs and lows are become much more acute.
How long until they ground themselves on the shores of Monkey Island? My guess is a final-day season-ending loss to the Avalanche in which a furious comeback comes up short.

Loxy said...

Nah, you're younger than me. I'm sure that you'd be horrified by most male only environments of the same age.

So things will be better in three years? I will have heating? I won't live with 8 people?

This is exciting.