Thursday, May 18, 2006

AAAAAAaaaaaa!!!! (in a girlish scream)

Edmonton 2
San Jose 0


Series over!!


It was back in 1992, the last time the Oilers were in the Conference Finals, and I remember the sort-of hapless Chicago Blackhawks smoking our ass with a peace pipe, on way to quickly being dispatched by the quasi-dynastic Pittsburgh Penguins. Me and my friend, Andy Tachuck of Sherwood Park, shrugged it off it in sort-of Oilers fan disbelief, thinking of it as an anomaly less than a harbinger of things to come, and played a mindless game of street hockey or "shots" as a two player game was called back then. Little did I know that my body, brain, and hockey fortune would forever change, lasting most of my adult life.

Flash forward to 2006, you see before you a fully virile male adult with a de
ad end job, complete with matted chest hair and a fully saturated sense of ennui that only twentysomethings know so well. For all of those Ottawa/Calgary bloggers out there, I can honestly say I never thought I'd see the Oilers do better than this in my adult life. Anyone with this absurd idea that Oilers fans are full of small-market wah-wah along with a spoiled sense of entitled glory obviously haven't studied closely the finely loomed tapestry that makes up Oilers fandom.

No Oiler fan born past 1980 or so
has had any realistic expectation that Oilers would ever do well again, and if you were to point out that the 5 Cups happened a long time ago you pretty much would have called our insecure bluff. Of course, we've had plenty of hope along the way, you know, the odd Dallas or Colorado upset, and I'd like to think we've made the most of these crumbs as such. But I ask, for any Vancouver, Ottawa and Calgary fans: can you honestly accuse Oilers fans of hubris when you see drunken fans lined up on Whyte Avenue after a Game 2 in the first Round? Clearly, this is not the cool-headed reaction of fans that think they're going all the way. Is cheering for Anaheim - a team that can barely sellout playoff games - anything but a twisted gesture from a jilted and bitter fan? I think not (nor is it highly original, for all of those Tom Benjamin supposedly "outsider" blogger types that seem to be rooting for the same team).

I implore you: join our "Covered" bandwagon; I've even laid out some blankets, Colby Cosh is playing the banjo, and the coffee is free.

As for the game: everything I said about Peca sucking magically became untrue for one night. He skated faster than Pisani, for instance, and wrestled Scott Hannan for the puck only to score top shelf. Later, Roloson and the Oilers shot-blocking defence added the exclamatory mark of a shutout to wrap up the series. And how about those fucking nine breakaways? Vesa Toskala should sleep well tonight, as should most of the Sharks (except that sad sack Joe Thornton, of course).

What was extra special was the cell phone calls from home, along with with an e-mail from my parents, decisively lukewarm Oilers fans at best (which I quote: "
Hi Mike,Yeah, the oilers won!!"). On the way home from Ted's Wrecking Yard in TO, I shouted "Oillerssss" to a hipster biker with an Oilers jersey only to have him look at me like I was a crazy. Um, HELLOO, fucknuts? It's times like this that I wish I was getting a police shield in the face on Whyte Ave.

Bring on those shittily-named Anaheim Mighty Ducks, along with their non-existent fans who could care less!

PS: Attached is a bar-drawn picture of Shawn Horcoff from fucking memory! (Nose is too big, not enough forehead)

30 comments:

Andy Grabia said...

I heard there were more stabbings on Whyte tonight. Ridiculous.

Colby Cosh said...

I totally saw a guy get his head CUT RIGHT OFF out front of Chapters! Swear to God, man!

mike w said...

>I totally saw a guy get his head CUT RIGHT OFF out front of Chapters! Swear to God, man!

Whatever it takes... whatever it takes.

James Mirtle said...

I totally saw a guy get his head CUT RIGHT OFF out front of Chapters! Swear to God, man!

I had to make sure he wouldn't shave it... I had to make sure.

Colby Cosh said...

I just noticed that Mike remembered to give Horcoff his heterochromous irises. That's unbelievably awesome.

Simon said...

I implore you: join our "Covered" bandwagon; I've even laid out some blankets, Colby Cosh is playing the banjo, and the coffee is free.

Nah. Who needs 'em. I'll take enough comfort in winning.

fish said...

From what I saw, the cops handled themselves pretty well. Coicidence or not, they closed off the street, which gave it kind of a "the Aerosmith concert's over" feel. I was only stabbed twice.

Meanwhile, remember Friday night and the mayhem? One cop downtown of all places tasered a guy and has been charged for excessive force - considering it was for a traffic offense.

Last night, I talked to a few cops. They seemed nervous, but eased up when I said, "Good job" then "OILERS!"

But we're just that much closer to having booze-in-hand street parties like they do in Italy and Mexico, every fucking night they feel like it. Call the National Guard! It's pretty wild seeing that many orange people in front of Chapters, especially the dude up on the street pole.

o<

sacamano said...

I just noticed that Mike remembered to give Horcoff his heterochromous irises. That's unbelievably awesome.

Agreed,except that the eyes or on the wrong side -- wait, unless that is Horc looking in a mirror, in which case he only has his shirt on inside out. Even cooler.

Kyle Kosior said...

Good read. I love the reference to "shots" I havent heard that since I was a kid.

Dennis said...

Great post.

I'm living here in NF amongst a pile of Leaves and Scabs fans and I watched G4 with them and the boys were amazed I wasn't being cocky when Hemsky put us up 5-3. I told them that any true Oilers fan always waits for the next shoe to drop...and especially in the playoffs.

As for the bandwagon jumpers...we don't fucking need them. I like being the lone wolf and the only guy in the room who gets to enjoy the Oilers success:)

Matt L said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlCGz0V4qEA&eurl=

Tit-flashing while crowdsurfing in a shopping kart GONE WRONG!

PS - I love the blog, and I'm still waiting on some more cartoons from mike w.

pete said...

can you honestly accuse Oilers fans of hubris when you see drunken fans lined up on Whyte Avenue after a Game 2 in the first Round

I don't think it's hubris, I think it's homerism. Personally I find it endearing, but it's what drives the irrational hate-on for Leaf fans. I'll take drunken hijinx over fans who don't care enough to deserve it any day of the week.

pete said...

ipso facto, go oilers.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine said recently that the reversal in Coiler fortunes coincides with Dvorak being out of the lineup. I hesitantly agreed with him. I'm pretty ambivalent toward D-vo, he doesn't do much but doesn't seem to hurt us either. Thoughts?

Duke

Doogie2K said...

That video was pretty damn funny. Stupid drunk people...

mike w said...

>I'm pretty ambivalent toward D-vo, he doesn't do much but doesn't seem to hurt us either.

I think with him in the linenup we would have done a little less running around in our zone. I like his hustle and speed, even if he has no finish.

case said...

Andy Grabia said...
I heard there were more stabbings on Whyte tonight. Ridiculous.

2:13 AM

so it's 2:13 in the morning after the oilers win and andy doesn't even mention the hockey game. ridiculous is right.

i heard that the oilers are in west final. i heard that the media guys who keep shaking their heads at whyte ave have never been there. i've been inside the commercial hotel. it's so scary! there was a guy in there with a pack of smokes in his sleeve! stab me right now so that guy doesn't! i think the oilers should change their name to the edmonton stabbers! whyte stab is so stabby that stabbing stabs stabs!

stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab(please insert any song to sing here. maybe "living on a prayer"?)

have a good night andy staberson. watch the game next time.

ps. iraq has big fucking missles!

jon said...

Case strikes me as a Whyte ave regular who doesn't care for the stabby publicity. His Iraq comments further cements this percept, perhaps suggesting that he is a regular of the long-haired variety.

sacamano said...

I'm pretty ambivalent toward D-vo, he doesn't do much but doesn't seem to hurt us either. Thoughts?

I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and have you slander Dvorak. He's just waiting for the right moment and then he's going to bust out like nobody's business.

Pleasure Motors said...

Sacamano, where did your love of D-vo come from, anyway?

sacamano said...

I think it was that fantastic goal he scored in his first(?) game as an Oiler against Dallas. It seemed like he deked the entire team, faked the goaltender into the popcorn stands, and sent her home.

I mean, something like that can't be fluke, right? It has to be in there somewhere -- just waiting for the Orbs of Power to tell him that his time has come again.

Plus, I was never a big fan of Anson Carter, and I'm still trying to justify that trade.

sacamano said...

Hey Pleasure Motors, drop me an email ASAP -- I have some information you have been dying to hear all season long. But the offer expires tomorrow . . .

sacamano said...

Back to Dvo. I had the team right, but the game wrong.

It was actually a playoff game. Here's the write up.

Remember those heady days when Salo was fantastic, and Georges Laraque got a goal once and a while.

Incredibly, Pisani also scored in that game. He's a playoff scoring machine. I wonder what his shooting percentage is. Wait, I just looked it up and, fuck, just as I expected. The guy just doesn't miss when he's given an opportunity to score -- 7 goals on 18 shots this post-season, a full 15% better than anyone else on the team. Now why couldn't I have developed a man-crush on him at the time?

Andy Grabia said...

You are totally right, Case. I never talk about hockey. Everyone else here will back you up on that. Just make sure you don't click on my name and see where it takes you. Whatever you do, don't do that, because it won't take you to my blog. And all my hockey posts.

Hey ABC guys, is Case actually The Brawler in disguise?

sacamano said...

Oh, man, now you've gone and depressed me. Michael freaking Peca had a better shooting percentage this year than D-vo. In fact, everyone on the team did except for LeGG, Winchester, JFJ, and Brodziak.

Yes, that's right, Krys Kolanos even outshot him.

It brings me back to the Oiler Vision post I did a few months back.

It is painful, but it is just part of his loveable charm. And you watch, he will play a part in this drama yet.

sacamano said...

Can I keep posting about Dvorak in your comments section? Because I could talk about him all night long.

jon said...

Wasn't there some stint earlier in the year when D-vo was out with injury, and the Oilers also went on an equally improbable hot streak? I seem to recall that this in fact did happen, as I pointed to it out to my friends who really couldn't give half a shit.

sacamano said...

I'm warning you, jon, keep it up and you're in for a world of pain.

case said...

i never said you didn't talk about hockey andy. i just wondered why the first post after the win didn't even mention the game. then i wentin' a ventin'.

jon, i just think the same tv hockey desk jockeys that piss on our team, are also pissing on our city.

Anonymous said...

Fuckin Asses - you guys obviously don't give a shit. I sick and tired of "fans" peeing in my yard, throwing beer bottles at my house and well at me. Go fuck yourself and burn your own house down!!! Better yet just go move to Itlay. NOT IN MY BACKYARD you fuckin twirps!