Anthropomorphic Animal Sports Enthusiasts 4
Whew. Holy shit — like so many summer blockbusters reviewed by Joel Siegel of the Movie Minute over the years, that game was one hell of a rip-roaring thriller of a rollercoaster ride full of ZOW! and ZAZZOO-WAH, wasn't it? Actually, I’m not sure he ever said that last part. Well, maybe he blurted it out loud during the presser for Ice Cube’s Are We There Yet?, but he certainly never wrote it in a public forum. I mean, hey, I would know. I LOVE HIS WORK.
Anyhow, what were we talking about? Oh yeah: how the Oilers went from spanking the Ducks by an embarrassing 4-0 score to barely surviving an onslaught of goals that succeeding, if not in winning, then in bringing the Rexall party back down to earth. I don’t think I’m alone when I say I found this game to be a little unnerving, despite the favourable outcome.
I mean, sure, the Oilers are still up three games to zero, and their advancement to the Stanley Cup finals (???) is all but assured — but at the same time, the Ducks learned an important lesson today, and that’s that Dwayne Roloson is not infallible: throw enough pucks at the net, and something’s going to go in. While it didn’t result in a win tonight, this revelation might not bode well as the Oilers try to close out the series. Plus, it’s scary when the Ducks score, and it makes people cry. Like me. And baby Jesus. And sometimes Joel Seigel.
So, uh, what else did we learn today?
• This series is not at the point where I can eschew posting a beard photo and still expect the Oilers to convincingly win.
• Given his contribution to history, it’s still okay to feel a little bit sorry for Todd Marchant.
• Based on recent photos, Scott Niedermayer is roughly two weeks away from the most glorious wizard beard the world has ever known, complete with emphatic white streaks. Let’s hope he runs out of time.
• Teemu Selanne is a dangerous man, and not just because he kills a hobo before every game.
• Sergei Samsonov’s visage could best be described as “lupine.” Which is fitting, because tonight he was to hockey as Jason Bateman was to basketball in Teen Wolf Too.
• There is a surprising amount of alcohol in a bottle of wine.
• Having no job and being able to sleep all day renders this last point irrelevant.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Posted by Chris! at 10:25 PM