Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The curious case of the ice-hockey team who seemed unable to defeat their opponents in a convincing and up-lifting fashion

Chapter 3

Oilers fans are upset ... a "winning" point of view ... Devo drops in to question our manhood ... shaving will tear us apart ... a new prediction policy ... will the Ghost of Chris's Wino Neck Beard take care of business? ... shit, I'm late for work

Well, you know it had to be a rough game when all three Covered in Oil writers are compelled to lurch forth from their slumber like zombies craving better pinches down the boards instead of brains to rend their shirts and wail to the heavens about the hand that cruel, cruel fate has dealt them. And indeed, from a "winning" point of view, Game 2 was a bit of a disaster, in that the Oilers did not, in fact, win and tie up the series.

But you know, looking back on my doom-soaked post of two days ago, I think I erred on the side of theatricality a bit on that one. After all, this was the second of back-to-back games. It was on the road. And despite being outplayed by (yes, anonymous commenter, I can admit it) a better, more positionally sound team, we still only lost by a goal. This is not an insurmountable task, beating these fast-skating, heart-having, corner-punishing Sharks; do we not do all these things nearly as well? Are we not up to the task? Though it may sometimes seem like it in retrospect, beating Detroit was no back-massage stroll down Handjob Lane (?) — we did it once; are we not up to the task one more time? Are we, members of Devo excluded, NOT MEN??

Ahem. Anyhow. There has been talk on BoA that Grabia having shaved his beard for seemingly no good reason, and in this blog, Eyeris pointed out that my having trimmed my wino neck beard may have also spoiled my ability to accurately predict the final scores of games (despite the fact that, really, I only went 3 for 6 in the first round), causing the Oilers to lose. And indeed, after seeing two games go the opposite way of my predictions, I'll admit that the thought had crossed my mind. So this time out, I figured I'd call an Oilers loss and let the Ghost of Chris's Wino Neck Beard take care of the rest. (Also, I won't be able to watch the game tonight on account of an office party, so I won't have to stand witness if this actually comes true.) So yeah. Oilers suck shit, lose 7-2.

Oh, right. BEARDWATCH. It's puffy, the itch is gone... take a good look, fuckers. This is officially making me late for work.


Grace said...

I just realized we need to do statistical analysis of when you posted your beard watch pictures and from what angle and if the Oilers won or lost that game. Had I been anywhere but work, I'd do it myself but we can't be messing with superstition!

Pleasure Motors said...

Well, since I still don't have a job, here's what I've come up with (keeping in mind there was no picture posted for Game 2 against the Sharks).

Looking left: 2-3
Looking right: 2-0
No hat: 2-1
Hat: 2-2
No glasses: 3-0
Glasses: 1-3
Robocop painting visible in background: 2-0

Conclusion: adding all the factors, I guess we'll win, but it will be close. If we really want to seal the deal (like, say, win four of five games against the Sharks), we'll need right-facing photos with no glasses and the picture of Robocop visible in the background. The hat factor seems negligible, though it's worth nothing both losses came with the same smallish green hat (which I pointed out earlier), and as such the record without that hat is a fairly respectable 5-1.

Does anyone know of someone who is hiring?

mike w said...

>Does anyone know of someone who is hiring?

Forget it, you bum!

jon said...

I think tonight's game is the ultimate proof of the hockey God's, as they chose to take your chosen post title to the extreme.

Doogie2K said...

Wow, PM. That's actually a pretty good indicator. 3-2 in 3 OT.