Friday, June 9, 2006

The Cam Ward Whisperer

Word is the Oilers aren't doing so well, so I'm gonna fly home to see that Oilers get this Stanley Cup thing right (my Cup record when at home is 5-1). A crisp puckhat and a Number 47 jersey await my arrival, and my beloved mother has even attached an Oilers flag on my old Sunfire.

Yep, I'll be living like its 2002, but without a video store job, prominent hairline or that Motorhead t-shirt I wore for a year straight. Some things I've missed: pals, driving everywhere, pitch-n-putt, Stanley Milner, Bryan Hall, Jan Reimer and Gord Steinke.

Returning to my doughy suburb of Sherwood Park, I may grab some earth and sniff the soil: there's intruder in our midst, a dream slayer going by the name "Cam Ward" who wants to steal the Cup away from us. To keep my bedroom community pure, I'm gonna have to think of some mega voodoo hoodoo, a super hex that's really going to turn the series around (get extra drunk when watching the game? maybe wear TWO puckhats instead of one?). I guess I have a four hour plane ride to think about it.

Until then: toodles, everyone.


James Mirtle said...

Agreed on driving everywhere. T.O. is full of transit-loving pod people.

mike w said...

Indeed, this 20-somethings Torontopia civic-pride has its reasonable limits.

Yesterday on the TTC a man sat next to me with what looked like a plastic bag full of watermelon peels and pizza crusts tied to his belt, and he spent the whole ride chewing a wart on his finger.

Pleasure Motors said...


Do contact me when you're in town, if only so we can hold each other in anticipation of game three.

Also, word in the street is that Cam Ward grew up in Glen Allan; perhaps you can terrorize the Gs in your Sunfire, as a pre-emptive strike.


Me said...

5-1???? Why the hell haven't you come back sooner??? RETURN NOW PLEASE!

Bryan Hall and Gord Steinke are still kicking it but Jan's gone. Not sure how Steven Mandel will look in a dress... but if it helps the Oilers I'm sure he'd be up for it.


jon said...

Oh God, are you all from Sherwood park? It would certainly explain a lot.


bluebloodrunsthick said...

I live in Glenora(west edmonton) and I have the urge to drive over to Sherwood Park sometime this afternoon and piss all over the imaginary line which seperates our city and theirs to somehow territorially divide the fact that no Sherwood Park is not Edmonton. It's more of a Calgary suburb. I do believe that somehow the curse of Hitchcock is still hanging around this city.


P.S. Did anyone even hear of Ward during the season? I never heard of him until he came in to gm3 of the Habs series.


Chris! said...

Sadly, jon, it's true. We're all Park born and bred, and I have the memories of drinking cheap vodka in a Broadmoor Golf Course refreshment hut to prove it.

Well, if you could see my memories, anyhow.

Dave said...

Sweet freakin' Christ, welcome to the Sherwood Park, or Sherwood Parking Lot, if you will, commiseratorium. I grew up a couple of blocks from the first DQ in the Park (at 49 Meadow Wood Crescent). Now it's all shitty strip-mall stores and box-stores.
What does that mean? Fuck all, except for the fact that the Sherwood Park Crusaders were sort of a big deal, back in the day.
One of the players lived across from us, in our aluminum-jacked subdivision (we lived at 684 Village Place) and broke his neck during a game, becoming a paraplegic, which was heartbreaking. I can't recall his name but he had a promising career that was cut tragically short.
Anyhow, back in the day we'd get a friend's older brother to buy 4-litre jugs of shite-ass draft from Franklin's, and then we'd get drunk in a school-yard field in the middle of the night. It was sad and pathetic, but it was also...


...sad and pathetic, really.

Erm, anyone remember Medieval Days?

Wikipedia has the following on Shirley Park:

"Sherwood Park has enough people to be Alberta's seventh largest city and, although Sherwood Park technically retains the status of a hamlet, the Government of Alberta recognizes the Sherwood Park Urban Service area as equivalent to a city."

The moral of the story? Mike W secretly wants Cam Ward, in a tryst called Brokeback Strip-Mall: "Your subdivision completes me... ."