Tuesday, June 20, 2006

A farewell to not shaving

Well, beard. This is it. We had some good times over the past two months, you and me, and who knows? Maybe our paths will cross again one day, andmaybe, if the Oilers had won, I could have taken you for one last week-long victory lap. But that's just not the way it panned out, bro, so now it's time for you to go to Hair Follicle Heaven. What's that? Yeah, I know. I'll miss the me-being-lazy part of this relationship, but shit man, this has to happen before your tan line starts to make me look like a harlequin.

Hey, look at it this way: at least you get to go out in stages! LIKE A HERO.

Okay, let's get this thing started with a little Chin Curtain action happening. Is it possible for anyone to not kind of look like James Hetfield at this point? "Trapped under ice! TRAPPED UNDER ICE!!"



I call this The Bad Friend. "Fuck, bro, I got it: let's quit our jobs and bust it down to Cozumel for the weekend and get some serious fucking herpes."



The Carolinan. "What do you mean, what should you do with that extra engine block? Fuck, dude, put in a bathtub out on the front lawn. I'm surprised you don't have one out there already."




Mr. Tickles
. "Man, if hanging out and leaning on my ten-speed across the street from the elementary school during recess is wrong, I don't want to be right."



The Dude, Not Cool. "What? What's the — oh, right. Hitler."


All Cleaned Up. "Why yes, I am legally bonded! Isn't that boring?"

27 comments:

Alana said...

Dude. You really should have kept the "bad friend" around for a few job interviews.

Farewell, playoff beard! Hopefully I'll see you again next season.

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

I met him but once yet it seems I've known him all my life.

Fare thee well. Until next year, old friend.

Matt said...

Spectacular use of the aviator glasses. That's maximum effect, baby. Kudos.

Eau de Chacin said...

"Trapped under ice! TRAPPED UNDER ICE!!"

Best. post. ever.

Dad said...

Hey Chris, I liked the Bad friend one. You could have gone to Cuba and been known as Fidel's other brother. Honestly, I was growing (get it) to like it, althought the clean shaven Chris is the one we raised. See you in a couple of weeks

Brian said...

The "Mr. Tickles" could very easily be called the "Freddy Mercury circa 1985" as well.

Great pics, Chris...

Neil said...

Hadn't even read the caption for the second photo, and I immediately thought of Hetfield. Good job.

Time marches on, on, on...

Hector Boyardee said...

Dude, I hope you are sewing your play-off whiskers into a pillow to sell on eBay!

Colby Cosh said...

Almost as good as the Sacamano original. And that's high praise.

Andy Grabia said...

I can't believe Matt didn't note how much you look like Lawrence from Office Space with the Carolinian. I'm just waiting to hear, "Peter... watch out for your cornhole, man... "

Jody Cloutier said...

The "Bad Friend" looks like Fish Griwkowski. Funny, that.

Coluch said...

Cup or not, I just can't believe it's all over... *sigh*

d-lee said...

Good post. Great job on the beard removal process. Serious tip of the cap.

It was a fun series, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to do battle with you guys.

---redblackhockey

mike w said...

Mr. Tickles is a dead ringer for Freddie Mercury.

Chris O said...

"I can't believe Matt didn't note how much you look like Lawrence from Office Space with the Carolinian."

My sentiments exactly. I was about to say that you looked like Oswald from the Drew Carey Show. Oswald was funny right down to the last unfunny episode.

Gerald said...

Boutitties: I cried whilst laughing. Please bring back the Carolinan.

Brian said...

The Carolinan

Anyone else pick up on the fact that Chris's attempt to make fun of dopey Southerners was misspelled?

Carolinians, buddy!

Chris! said...

Dammit, it's my facial hair, I can call it whatever I want!

And doesn't the Carolinan have a better ring to it anyhow?

I should also note that my friend Dave was right; I've already decided I hate not having a beard. I think it may have to make a comeback.

James Mirtle said...

I think shirtless Hitler is my new desktop.

Nein.

kubiak said...

Great post, man! I literally laughed out loud more than once. (And not just in the LOL way, the real, actual laughing thing!)

Is it okay if I hop on the Oil bandwagon? I was so impressed by the team, they were gritty, determined, and tough. What's not to like? I got to talk to a few of their fans after the game Monday too, all of whom were class acts.

I think I've got a new 2nd favorite team. (Sorry Bruins. That's what you get for the wanting to steal our coach rumors!)

Amanda said...

I don't know you, I got to your blog through a friend's, but I have to say one thing. You look hot in all of them minus the Hitler shot, and the Carolinian (which as a Carolina transplant made me laaaaaugh and laaaaaugh). Nice job! :o)

redherring said...

Hey, I got linked through Bob the Angry Flower, and I'm not the sporty type...but hehe. Just watching you take shaving the playoff beard to a whole new level made me seriously laugh. ;)

Hopefully we'll see a comeback next year!

Showerhead said...

Wow that was fucking hilarious! I have been reading your blog through the playoffs and quite enjoy your wit. How does it feel to have fans in Winnipeg?

PS - I find your writing style similar to that of the guys from Penny Arcade. Do you know the comic to which I refer? That would be awesome.

d-lee said...

I don't miss my beard, but I'm already thinking about re-growing it just so I can shave it off. I need to do a better job with the beard removal, as mine was really a halfassed job.

PittsburghCanesFan said...

Brilliant! The Carolinan is too funny to this North Carolina ex-pat, as that pretty much shows where about half of my fellow High-School grads ended up. And I'm from a civilized part of the state! Bad Friend is my favorite, though.

Looking forward to reading your blog in the future. Good luck, and take care.

Jacques Morali & Henri Belolo said...

You.Are.So.Gay. Want a job?

Scarlett said...

Special, you're very special. That's all I have to say! :)