Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Chris!'s hockey niblets

HOLY JESUS HUMP it's hot in Toronto. Seriously. Does it ever stop being 40C? It doesn't stop, does it? Shit. Maybe if I sit really still for a long time a glacier will mistake me for landscape and eventually travel over my face.

Anyhow, all of this has nothing to do with hockey, but it does have something to do with me sweating my ass off while sitting in front of my computer putting off the real writing I have to do. And since I have all this time on my hands, I figured we should get caught up on what's going on in the Fascinating World of Professional Hockey!

Danny Markov has apparently just agreed to terms with Detroit. No word on the financial terms yet that I can see, but yeah. Tarnstrom is looking better and better every day. PROGNOSIS? Bad for Oilers.

• Arbitration more doubled Scott Gomez's salary yesterday, placing the centre's worth at $5-million a year. The Devils have 48 hours to accept or decline — but considering that their team salary of $43.9-million is crumpling against the cap ceiling even without Gomez, something is going to have to give. And hopefully whatever shakes off will fall into the lap of a team laden with young, cheap talent. PROGNOSIS? Good for Oilers, but possibly better for Washington or Pittsburgh.

• The Florida Panthers have signed sun-ravaged mummy-husk Ed Belfour to a one-year, $750,000 contract. Quite a step down for Belfour, considering he managed to steal $4.6-million from the Leafs last year, but also quite a step up, considering that he should clearly be drawing pension. The Panthers are said to have originally offered $1.5-million for his services, but halved the contract after Belfour's bones climbed out of his mouth and begged Keenan to let him die. PROGNOSIS? No effect on Oilers.

• Finally, fans of Czech goaltenders who wear mustard will be thrilled to hear Tomas Vokoun's circulatory system seems to have finally stopped trying to kill him. Way to not die, Tomas! Give that man a Masterton! PROGNOSIS? Minimal effect on Oilers, but discouraging news for blood clots.

There! Wasn't that interesting? Also, if you look slightly to your right, you'll find that our woefully outdated blogroll has finally been dragged kicking and screaming into the blinding glare of relevance. So who wants to CLICK SOME LINKZ, you LOSERS?

Back to writing about Chad Van Gaalen!


Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

whoo hoo chad van whoozit!

flew back after 2 1/2 weeks in pei to find that after a year's absence T.O. summer has returned

prognosis - drink a lot of fucking beer! No effect on Oilers.

bad for liver, marriage and bank account

get back to work chris!

DAD said...

(Holy, Jesus HumP??? )Hey Chris, it must be hot, I think you're starting to lose it. We had and still have 28-35C for the last week. We had a horrible storm yesterday afternoon that caught a lot of golfers(me included) out on the fairway. It was raining, hailing and I think a cow went by. We got thoroughly soaked and left 4 great shots out there on the fairway. I'm still drying stuff off for tonight. Cheers(Have you heard from Kristine??

Anonymous said...

dad must be in Edmonton. Holy Sh!tstorm is right!

MikeP said...

The Sabres site says they have 48 hours after the end of their last arbitration hearing to decide on Briere. Presumably, the Devils are in the same boat with Gomez. Of course, if Gomez was their last, I guess it's the same thing.

Green Giant said...

Niblets™ are a registered trademark of General Mills, Inc. No endorsement is intended of the opinions in this entry on the part of General Mills, Inc., its employers, or its subsidiaries. Especially the Tarnstrom thing.

Dave said...

"The Panthers are said to have originally offered $1.5-million for his services, but halved the contract after Belfour's bones climbed out of his mouth and begged Keenan to let him die."


Well played, sir.