Sunday, July 2, 2006

He's so CUTE!!

The following comes courtesy of Wasabi Cowgirl's Alana, who over the course of the playoffs developed an almost unnatural crush on Dwayne Roloson. Is his three-year, $11-million contract an albatross? Alana's all like, "nuh-uh, bitches!"

This isn't like me. I'm not a gushing fangirl, or at least I wasn't before the playoffs began. I greeted Dwayne Roloson's addition to the Oilers' roster with the same cautious optimism as most fans: "He's got to be better than Conkannen, doesn't he?" His first few games with the team were underwhelming — my optimism turned to resignation as the Oil barely managed to steal the last playoff spot and were set to play the President's Trophy winners in round one.

But then, Game one against Detroit: Edmonton loses in double overtime, with Roli stopping 54 shots. 54! Suddenly, I wanted to know more about this guy with the shiny gold mask. The more I learned about Roli's eccentricities, and the more I watched him play, my passing interest developed into full-blown fangirl crush.

How can you not love a guy who says things like "I might have chipped a couple teeth, but that's okay because I'm an ugly guy anyways," performs secret eye exercises, uses brilliantly crafty delay-of-game tactics when his team is on the penalty kill, and rocks out to "More than a Feeling"? He's a complete weirdo, and that's what I dig about him.

He's also a case study in overcoming the odds. His unusual backstory, documented nicely by James Mirtle and Colby Cosh, includes a point where he and his pregnant wife had to move in with her parents to make ends meet as he went back to the minors and nearly quit the game entirely. Just five years later, Roli's a hero in the most hockey-loving town there is.

Sure he's old, and sure his new contract is pretty steep, but there's not a more interesting or plain lovable player out there, at least for me. I'm thrilled that Roloson will be wearing copper and blue for the next few years, and I can't wait to see him play his first full season as a number-one goalie, at 37 years old.

19 comments:

kris m said...

Hooray!

I'm sure the fangirl crushing vibes will spur Rollie to stop pucks as though he were ten years younger well into the future. 11 mil'll look like peanuts!

Foxy said...

Alana said it all. There are lots of us ladies out there who are crushing hard on that man! However, I do think all that moola is just a bit too much...

Gretzkin said...

My girlfriend works hard to ignore hockey, but during this years playoffs, she piped up, "I know who my favorite Hockey Player is... Dwayne Roloson!".
I was so impressed with her non-hockey analysis that I decided that she was the one.
That and I'm an Oiler fan.
I don't think they paid him too much at all. The term is long enough, but he earned the money he received. He's worked a long time to get where he is.

GO ROLI GO

Scarlett said...

Cute? Hells yeah. I'd do him.

Kris M said...

I wouldn't do him. He is pretty adorable, though.

Anonymous said...

"I'd do him"??? That is so disrespectful. Come on people...

Garnet said...

Disrespectful, eh, anonymous? Did you miss the slashfic from last August? Hmmm. it's been almost a year. This blog really should sponsor some sort of creative writing contest. Who knows what Chris Simon and Dion Phaneuf have gotten up to since then.

Karen said...

I'd totally do him...but she forgot one thing. The playoff beard. Surrounded by some players who could barely grow peach fuzz, Roli, at times, appeared as though his chest hair had migrated out of his jersey and decided to settle on his face. Normally I hate guys with facial hair but .... GRRRRRRRR baby.

(And for the record 36 isn't "OLD"...at least not for me anyways).

Scrubs & Shines said...

I fell off my chair the very day it was annouced that Roli was to become an Oiler, I was confident in his play even during his first few oiler starts (close games)...He was the guy you wanted between the pipes in the playoffs, and Im also confident he'll lead us into another round of playoffs next season. Not to take anything away from Jussi, he's a winner too, It just got very exciting when I picked myself off the floor and said...WOW!

court said...

YES! I'm very happy to see more love for Roli. I'm so his bitch it's not even funny.

Anonymous said...

ROLI IS SO CUTE WHEN HE IS IN HIS OILERS UNIFORM I LOVE HIM HE IS MY FAVORITE XOXOX I LOVE ROLOSON!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS SOO COOL AND AWESOME!! GO ROLI

Anonymous said...

LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM IM THE BIGGEST FAN I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIMM HE IS SUCH A FRICKEN CUTIE XOXOXOXOXOO HE IS THE VERY VERY VERY BEST AND HE IS NOT UGLE OMG IM LIKE OBSESSING OH WELL HE IS SOO WORTH IT OH YEAH ROLI IS BY FAR THE CUTEST AND BEST GOLIE EVER

Taylorr said...

LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM IM THE BIGGEST FAN I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIMM HE IS SUCH A FRICKEN CUTIE XOXOXOXOXOO HE IS THE VERY VERY VERY BEST AND HE IS NOT UGLE OMG IM LIKE OBSESSING OH WELL HE IS SOO WORTH IT OH YEAH ROLI IS BY FAR THE CUTEST AND BEST GOLIE EVER

Taylorxoxo (rolis grl) said...

OK, ROLOSON IS JUST FLAT OUT THE BEST, HE IS THE ONE WHO HELPED THE OILERS OUT ALOT , AND IM NOT SAYIN HES THE ONLY ONE, BUT HE SURE HELPED,, HE IS REALLY CUTE WHEN HE IS IN HIS LITTLE GOLIE UNIFORMM XOXOXOX I LOVE HIM HES A LITTLE CUTE IM HIS BIGGEST FAN EVER!!!!! AND YOU CAN ARGUE WITH ME, BUT YOUR NOT GONNA WIN SO DONT EVEN BOTHER CUZ HE IS MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD, AND HE IS MY ONE AND ONLY HERO XOXOXO !!! GO ROLI GO!!!! WE'LL MAKE IT NEXT SEASON !!!! HANG IN THERE OILERS (MY BOYZZ) KK IM ROLIS BIGGEST FAN EVER!!!!! KK PCEE

Anonymous said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Roli is so frickin cute!
I love him so much!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Anonymous said...

WHAT AM I TO SAY WHEN EVERYONE SAID IT ALL I AM SITTING HERE NEXT TO HIM AND LOOKING AT HIM AND YO GUYS JUST READ MY MIND!

Anonymous said...

i love him! he i sooo hot i would do him any time! he is taken he is mine! New mrs.roloson!

Anonymous said...

kk hes cute in all.....but oyu dont FREAKIN SEE THE OILERS IN THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR!!!DO YOU? im not saying this is all roli's fault (ryan smyth and pronger got traded, mactavish put jussi in the net alot ..no offense) but he hsould have tried harder cause the weight of the oilers was on his shoulder

Sydney the Roli Lover(Squee) said...

Hey.You,yeah you.Back off.He's MINE!!!!One thing I'm not willing to share...precious Roli(Squee!)I hate his stupid blond wife(no offence to the non-evil blondes here) but OMG his kids are CUTE!(Look just like him!)
Oh and by the way:
I'd do him too.