Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Hey! Belfour! You're done!

Man, who knew that a battered, 41-year-old has-been puckstopper who's coming off back surgery could be so friggin' popular? According to, as usual, TSN, the Florida Panthers have apparently expressed interest in dead-eyed billionaire philanthropist Ed Belfour.

While I can understand that the goaltending tandem of Alex Auld and Craig Anderson is not one that inspires much confidence, just the fact that Florida would consider talking to the Eagle makes me want to shake my head so hard I pass out and wake up in another time zone. I mean, we all know Keenan's brain is about the size of a housecat's and made entirely out of blind rage, but surely even he can see that offering this utterly, thoroughly and completely finished goalie a $1.5-million contract is a brow-furrowing exercise in imprudence. Cripes, if I was a GM, I'd pay Belfour that much just to get the hell out of my office.

According to a report on the Fourth Period, Detroit seems to at least be wary of Eddie's clearly diminishing skills, having tendered him a $500,000 base contract with an incentive structure that failed to make Belfour horny for the Red Wings, but guess what, Ed? That's how much sun-ravaged mummy-husks like you get paid when their distinguished career is one horrifed backwards step away from tumbling into its open grave.

Surely, even Keenan will soon see the error of his ways — presumably shortly after the part of Belfour's physical in which he almost has a heart attack while struggling into his gym shorts. And then, maybe then, he'll express interest in that other, likely cheaper, washed-up goalie with a million times for potential for return, Dominik Hasek. If you're going to pay someone to play 30 games, wrench their back and then spend the rest of the season working the doors and muttering about how the White Spot never does their eggs the way they like, I'll take Hasek any day of the week.

Aahhh. Anyhow. As an aside, I'd just like to note that I laughed out loud on three separate occasions at work last night just thinking about how fucked the Islanders organization is. I bet all those recent free-agent signings are absolutely thrilled, and you just know Nolan would be resigning too if he didn't have so much to prove. Yikes.

11 comments:

James Mirtle said...

Belfour actually had a phenomenal season in 2003-04, so I think it's plausible he's got something left in the tank.

The cheap contract Detroit was offering actually made some sense, because if he comes up lame, there's a ton of free salary to pickup midway through the season. Lord knows there are enough goaltenders available.

Chris! said...

I agree that Detroit's contract was at least reasonable. Florida wanting to pay him $1.5 mil? That's just insane.

And yes, 03-04 was good to Eddie, but that was before surgery and being 41. More than anything, though, I just can't figure out what Belfour has left to prove. He's not going to win another Cup next season with Florida or Detroit, so why not hang up the skates? No need to drag things out.

Anyhow, I'm willing to bet that Belfour won't meet Keenan's physical standards, and that will be that.

MattM said...

I think its worth noting that a GM already paid Belfour 1.5 million dollars to get the hell out of his office. And this is the same guy who thought signing HAL GILL was a good idea.

d-lee said...

If I live to be a billion years old, I will never tire of the comedy surrounding his "I'll give you a billion dollars" incident.

Scarlett said...

Belfour is a blind, aged dog. Take him out back and shoot him....just put him out of his misery!

Doogie2K said...

Has the entire NHL completely forgotten about Maaaaaaaannnnnnnyyyyyyy? Maybe they figure he really did hang himself.

Anonymous said...

I feel for the guy. This has "gotta pay off my gambling debts" written all over it.

No 41 year-old Goalie with this many medical problems would even consider playing again, let alone for a really shitty team, unless they really really needed the money.

Anonymous said...

Check out belfour.com: bizarre, funny, and a bit sad. Does every player have a vanity page (with music)?

Rachael said...

"No 41 year-old Goalie with this many medical problems would even consider playing again, let alone for a really shitty team, unless they really really needed the money"

Ummm, don't forget about Hasek, although since there doesn't seem to be much interest in him, I think he's going to retire again.

MetroGnome said...

sun-ravaged mummy-husks

I don't think I've seen a meaner comment in a blog this year. Or a funnier one.

Patty said...

Why don't you take a look at his SV%. Maybe if he had some guys that could skate and score like hockey players instead of figure skaters he could post a better win record. Age has nothing to do with it the man is a competitor. He is a hell of a lot better then what the stars are trying to replace him with. They should have never let him go in the first place.