Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Oh, come ON.

I'll admit that though I may have laughed a couple times during the whole let's-fire-our-real-GM-and-replace-him-with-the-backup fiasco, there was a part of me that felt a little sorry for the Islanders organization and its fans, as it proved that the club had been teetering closer to the brink of complete and utter loopiness than anyone could have possibly imagined. Clearly, it was going to be a long, long time until things in Long Island were normal again.

But this? Signing 25-year-old Rick DiPietro to a 15-year contract worth US$67.5-million? I... I just don't know what to say... I—

JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU GUYS INSANE? ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MINDS?? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOUR YOUNG, STILL UNPROVEN GOALIE IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE YOUR BEST OPTION IN NET FOR THE NEXT DECADE AND A HALF? HOW LONG HAS THAT GAS PIPE BEEN LEAKING OVER CHARLES WANG'S DESK? AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY HASN'T IT KILLED HIM YET???

Whew. Sorry. It's just... that's the craziest bullshit I've ever heard. The deal, which will pay DiPietro US$4.5-million for every year of his life until he hits 40 (please, read that again), is surely the longest the NHL has ever seen, and only outdone in the whole of North American pro sports history by Magic Johnson's 25-year, US$25-million deal with the LA Lakers in 1981. As you know, the Islanders set the previous NHL record for contract longevity when they offered a 10-year US$87.5-million contract to dressing-room poison-bomb Alexei Yashin in 2001, a ridiculous albatross of a deal that continues to hobble the club to this day.

Not only does such a contract makes DiPietro completely untradeable and nearly impossible to buy out, but TSN cites New York Newsday as also pointing out that DiPietro is guaranteed the full amount of his contract in the event of a career-ending injury. So if Rick ever goes down, he just might take the team with him. Which maybe isn't such a bad thing after all.

14 comments:

tb player said...

YES! I love this! I shot my coffee across the room when I heard this this morning. And it was the sugary bottom of the cup, making it sting my sinuses even more. But it was worth it, damn it. I love how this team just doesn't care how fucking stupid they look to the rest of the league. I say bring back the shitty Cap'n Highliner jerseys, and put DiPietro's face into the logo. Then make Yashin captain for life.

Alana said...

That is effing hilarious. Everything Charles Wang touches turns to funny.

Doogie said...

Actually, Gretzky signed a 21-year deal on his 18th birthday, which would allow him to retire in...1999. The Oilers threw it out a couple of years later for the sake of fairness, which was probably not a good idea, in hindsight, even if it was "right."

joninabox said...

For clarification, the Gretzky contract was actually with Peter Pocklington himself IIRC. As for the DiPietro deal, this was rumoured during last season as a contract extension, but was dismissed as outlandish and ridiculous. I will now use those descriptors as indicators of rumour validity when Long Island is involved.

"Everything Charles Wang touches turns to funny."

Awesome.

MetroGnome said...

The good news for Rick: pretty much guaranteed $65 million.

The bad news for Rick: stuck playing for Charles Wang and the rest of his wacky crew until he's 40 or injured.

Anonymous said...

Shit I'd sign that. I know Wang spends money, and he's way behind...but Mr. Ballard say hello to your new competition

uni said...

Oh, Alana...you made sprite spray out of my nose...but man oh man, this guy is starting to make Ballard look like a genius.

I'm even thinking of driving down to NY and walking past Wang's office, maybe I might get a job...

Scarlett said...

New rule for NHL owners: you must pass an IQ test as well as a psychiatric evaluation.

Pleasure Motors said...

But think about how foolish all of us will look when Rick Dipietro caps off his 15-year, unblemished run of Vezinas with yet another Stanley Cup parade down Broadway, or wherever the hell the Islanders would hold it.

Who'll be spraying Sprite out his nose then, huh? CHARLES MOTHERFUCKIN' WANG, THAT'S WHO! CHARLES! MF! WANG!

Julian said...

You guys heard about his (serious) suggestion that they look for Sumo wrestlers to play net, right?

This entire article is comedy gold in light of recent events.

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/hockey/nhl/islanders/2003-02-18-owners_x.htm

"When Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the New York Islanders for $190 million in April 2000, one of their first decisions was to read Hockey for Dummies.

They are no dummies.

While major sports ownership is notoriously lacking in diversity, the two show how well it can work.

"You could not have computer-generated a better model for new owners," Commissioner Gary Bettman says."




It only gets better, the chart showing which players the Isles had added and lost was especially funny/sad.

D. said...

Amen, Scarlett. Is this for real? What a joke!!

Dave said...

"That is effing hilarious. Everything Charles Wang touches turns to funny."

That sentence is a lot funnier if you slip an apostrophe in after the "s" in "Charles."

macndub said...

Any chance Wang is setting the Isles up for a trip to bankruptcy court? If he doesn't expect to make it more than two seasons, he's got a cheap goalie next season..

cullitonholic said...

Just came across this blog post ... The Islanders' actions last summer don't look so "insane" anymore, do they?