Wednesday, September 6, 2006

Saturday night's alright for PUNCHING COPS

So it seems that the Oilers have actually, really, finally signed Alexei Mikhnov. (And apparently also Mathieu Roy, but he's more like that tiny little promotional bottle of Malibu that's attached to the 26 of Appleton you actually want in this news item.)

That's great and all, but I'm not getting excited yet. Like many fans, I never thought this day would come, and I'm still not convinced that Traktor is a real person — like we're going to get to opening night and he'll be lined up at wing, and just as the puck drops, his uniform will collapse to the ice as hundreds of rats pour out of the neck and scurry into the stands. Then it will become clear that it had all been an elaborate ruse perpetrated by Kevin Pendergast to undermine Alberta's status as a rat-free zone. Why? "Fuck it," he'll say on the news the next morning, before downing a promotional bottle of Malibu rum. "Why the fuck not?"

God, Pendergast is a jerk.

Anyhow, in more cop-punching-related news, the Canadian Press reports that unrestricted free agent Ryan Vandenbussche is being sued for $10.2-million by a police officer he mauled during a 40-person Canada Day brawl in Turkey Point (HA!), Ont.

According to a statement of claim filed by Const. Hector Jibbison's lawyer, the officer suffered a broken nose, deviated septum, several cuts, scraps and bruises, dental damage, headaches, blurred vision and swelling as a result of the alleged assault, which occurred while officers to break up a brawl outside of, naturally, the Turkey Point Hotel. VandenBussche was Tasered and pepper-sprayed into submission, and currently faces charges of assaulting a peace officer, assault causing bodily harm, resisting arrest and threatening death or bodily harm.

The suit seems reasonable, except that I think Jibbison may be operating under the assumption that all hockey players are bajillionaires, as I'm fairly certain VandenBussche — who made US$450,000 last year with the Penguins, in his eighth NHL season — hasn't seen a third of what they're asking for over his entire career. But then really, who can put a price on a deviated septum? Not me, that's who.

9 comments:

Alana said...

I love punching! Maybe Vandenbussche can sell some consonants to pay off the suit.

gdc said...

My parents used to party at Turkey Point as bad-apple Southern Ontario teens — I guess some things never change. Although I don't think my dad was ever sued for $10.2 million, but then nobody would ever mistake him for an NHL enforcer, either.

Anonymous said...

That's a joke, 10.2 million, obvious cash grab.

Anonymous said...

If the cop was any sort of hockey fan, he would know that you've got to tie up Vandenbussche's left right at the start of the fight. Anyway this is ungallant. You don't see Vandy suing Stu Grimson for doing the same thing to his face. And Stu's a born-again Christian and a lawyer.

Man, I love enforcers.

Pleasure Motors said...

Not to be insensitive or anything, but doesn't the risk of physical violence against your person kind of come with being a cop? Do the Mounties sue meth addicts when they cuff them in the face and run off down the alley?

I guess you could argue that Vandenbussche has some sort of advantage because he's a sort-of professional pugilist (and, uh, pretty stupid for getting in a bar fight on Canada Day), but this seems like sort of an odd lawsuit to me.

Pleasure Motors said...

The suing, that is, not the rest of it, all of which seem like perfectly reasonable charges.

Anonymous said...

Hm, interesting. I grew up in the town Vandebussche was born in - Delhi, population 3000, official tobacco capital of Canada. Horrible place. I can see where he got his temper from.

Anonymous said...

I heard a very different story. It turns out officer smacked his buddy upside the head for mouthing off, all well and good if not for the fact that Ryan's buddy had his mouth wired shut from a previous injury. Ryan punched out 2 officers protecting his friend. The officer tasered Ryan 3 times and pepper sprayed him after he was subdued and handcuffed. Who's the punk?

Chris! said...

Who called anyone a punk?