Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Big Lay(down)

Edmonton 6
John Davidson's St. Louis Blues 2

Ah, that's more like it. St. Louis was all gussied up, just laying there in the boudoir, ready for the taking, and the Oilers were all man tonight. As a sports editor I worked with once said: "You don't go to a whorehouse with half a boner." [I fully apologize for the previous two sentences]

Part of the fun of such a virile, 3-goal opening period is that an Oilers fan can dispense with the usual teeth gnashing, sit back, and relax for once. I can't remember the last time the victory after-glow came so free and easy. Stretching the tortured sex metaphor further, I'm sure Fernando Pisani and Marc-Andre Bergeron will be the first to attest to the confidence-building powers of
having scored.

- Poor Raffi Torres, continues to suck, with or without the puck. He got clobbered late in the game, with the mic picking up a "fucking cunt!" as he slammed the bench door. The most neurotic hockey player in the NHL? Not quite, which leads me to...

- Manny Legace's Suicide Watch. It was worrisome seeing him shake his head on the bench after getting pulled halfway through the game. This is the goalie famous for the "wanting to hang myself" in Detroit's fast exit from last year's playoffs. The season's young yet, Manny! Don't kill yourself.

- How about that big fucking baby Keith Tkachuk (I'm so magnanimous in victory). The big sour pus spent most of the game punching Ales Hemsky in the head and literally taking puck off of teammate's sticks.

- Brad Winchester Report: as I've mentioned, I picked up this dude in my pool, thereby cursing him to never score again. Tonight he muffed on a clear breakaway, of course.

- Is Matt Greene good yet? On one play he looks decent, and then on another he lets out a perfect pass to Keith Tkachuk, right on the tape.

- I seriously have a Marc-Andre Bergeron jersey, which made me tha lamest Edmonton fan ever until tonight. Aside from 1 or 2 ghastly turnovers, this is the Bergie I remember: crisp passes and a big, lethal shot that can get some easy points.


Jim Roepcke said...

I watched a replay of Winny's breakaway in slo-mo (I love my Bell HD PVR), and he was slashed just as he tried to make his move, which pushed the puck off to the side.

It was a crafty slash - if it was more obvious it could have been a slashing penalty. Next time Winny'll remember to protect the puck/stick better.

Earl Sleek said...

his is the goalie famous for the "wanting to hang myself" in Detroit's fast exit from last year's playoffs. The season's young yet, Manny! Don't kill yourself.

Shameless plug, a picture post I did the day he signed in St. Loo.

Anonymous said...

Hey blogosphere, what is your opinion on Kevin Quinn and Ray Ferraro as the Oilers broadcast team? They're not the sort of announcers you really notice but they do all the little things right, keep the lame jokes to a minimum, and don't screw up any of the players' names. Ferraro doesn't try to be funny or overwhelming but merely tosses in his two cents when he can. He was a pretty good player in his time so I trust that what he says makes a little sense. Both have been covering the Oilers for long enough that they really know the team. I'd prefer Jim Hughson but I don't mind these guys calling the majority of the games every year. Thoughts?


Alana said...

Mike, you have a MAB jersey? Why hasn't that baby made an appearance at street hockey?!?

She said...

Great rundown, Mike. Wear the jersey proudly, for a day or two at least.


As for Ferraro and Quinn, they pissed me off on the first goal of the game, when Ray kept talking about Horcoff's fine work behind the net as the replays ran. Horc wasn't even on the ice, it was Sykora who got it out front. My six-year old daughter knows the difference between the numbers 10 and 71.

Other than the painful stuff like that, I can handle their basic play-by-play.

Chris DeGroat @ The Checking Line said...

Oh, come on... Tkachuk didn't punch anyone... he tried to check a player and made contact with the player's head on accident and (correctly) got a penalty for it.

Scarlett said...

Bergeron finally shows up. He carries the puck and oh my god, he shoots it. Good boy. About bloody time. Now that is the Bergeron we all know!

And Greene, there aren't enough words in the English language to describe how much I despise him. Nice pass retard.

Anonymous said...

Even with errors such as the one noted above, Ferraro is the only color guy that I can listen to without yelling death threats at my TV and scaring my kids. Greg Millen's thinly veiled hatred of the Oilers (how many goals did they score on him in his career?) and Harry Neale's man love for anything wearing a blue maple leaf make me wretch.

PS This anonymous has a bigger nose than the picture gives me credit for.

Doogie said...

And Greene, there aren't enough words in the English language to describe how much I despise him. Nice pass retard.

And yet, the first two goals came because Greene faked a shot, passed, and fucked up the Blues' coverage. So I'd say he's +1 in the smart/dumb play ledger.

Anonymous said...

yeah... actually, strangely, during last night's game i found myself thinking "wtf? greene isn't a complete rtard on the ice?".

my legs are slightly hairier than the picture suggests. the boots are right on though.

case said...

quinn gets ryan smyth and jason smith mixed up all the time but they are a million times better than hughson. the canuck trio of hughson, garrett, and taylor(the worst of all, publicly has said he hates the oilers) need one stanley cup so bad that they shit talk all things unvanfreddycrouver.