Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hockey team makes Edmonton sad

LA Kings 7(!)
Edmonton 4

Defence. Funny word, huh?

After 7 goals against, funny how the "d" and "f" sounds are spoken through clenched teeth, followed by a "s"-shaped hiss, as the normally-benign word now connotes something darker and much more sinister... like the phrase "missing the playoffs". The Oilers turned in a carb-loaded turkey of a game coming off the Christmas break, which makes me wonder if the next CBA should allow hockey players to see their families during the holidays.

A largely frustrating game, featuring stupid ass penalty calls on both sides, a squandered two-goal lead, and mostly shoddy Oilers defence, which, being soft and dead-on-arrival, is not unlike the abject underbelly of a bloated corpse that's been floating for days in a polluted stream. [how's that for unwieldy metaphors?]

As uninspiring as the Oil's defence corps can be, blame this loss entirely on the forwards and their terrible zone coverage. Petr Sykora and Shawn Horcoff lead the pack at minus 4, but good gawd almost every King Defenceman was getting great shots from the middle of the slot, so much that even Mattias Norstrom was an offensive threat with two points on the night (I think he gets one goal every eleven years). Mathieu Garon, playing on half a groin, managed to get his shit together and played rather well in the third, pretty much sealing the deal. So now what? Our we in 14th place now? God, I hate the Northwest.

Oil Splats

- Ryan Smyth is back! What a difference he makes, nearly scoring on the wrap around in his first shift of the game. Smyth got a goal besides, playing like an ice donkey out there with his broken thumb. Like so many pending free agents, the dude is on a mission! Absurdly, I thought the one bright side of his injury was that, at a glance, his stats wouldn't be as high come season's end and we could re-sign him easier. (don't laugh, I truly believe some GMs are that dumb)

- Play-By-Play Thesaurus Award: Peter Loubardias for using the word "carom" 17 times during a single broadcast

- I miss Patrick Thoresen. I'll take Thor's five minutes of fourth line ice time over Marc-Antoine Pouliot's any day. We could have used his Norwegian pluck out there tonight.

- I've recently noticed that hockey mostly just makes me angry. Anyone else?


Daniel K said...

I like how being totally inconstant about who they win and lose too has been part of the Oilers character since the early nineties through at least three or four complete team turn-overs.

Anonymous said...

Don't hate the NW Div., hate this ridiculous asschedule.
Some of the teams in the NW should have as many points as SJ or NAS or DAL but 3-4 times a month while those teams are feasting on ass like CHI or PHX or STL the NW teams look at the sched. and say oh fuck me it's COL again. With the Oilers penchant for losing to teams like STL or LA it probably wouldn't be us up there. But if the NHL had a sanely balanced sched. the entire division wouldn't be tied with "not as many points as we should have." Even with the '04 sched. we would still be in a totally competitive division. I demand only our fair share of Phoenix Phreebies


mike w said...

>I demand only our fair share of Phoenix Phreebies

I'll just be happy when we actually beat Phoenix in the few matchups that we DO have.

Anonymous said...

Just saw that one man faceoff in the Sabres/Hurricanes game...hilarious. Also, thanks for nothing to Dan "Goals" Cleary.

Krista said...

I don't like this Loubardias character (what happened to Kevin Quinn?). His overuse of the word "carom" was more frustrating than the Oilers' loss, I thought. Well...maybe not, but it was very close to being so. Just when I thought he couldn't possibly say it another time, he did. Cuthbert did the same thing with "handcuffed" during the TSN VAN-CGY broadcast the other night.

Not all hockey has been frustrating me as of late, just Northwest Division hockey. We've got Canada at the WJHC, after all... I guess...

Black Dog said...

ice donkey?


Anonymous said...

Frustrated with the NW? It's the second-worst division in hockey, based on cumulative point totals. If we were in either other Western Conference division our playoff chances at this rate would be about 1 in 10. However we can still easily win this division and get a 3 seed.

Jordi said...

Oh why does this make me hurt so much!? Why can't santa make it stop hurting!?

tim said...

i went. i saw. i weeped (silent man tears).

Jes GÅ‘lbez said...

It's always amusing to listen to the crying after an Oilers loss. Thank you, LA, for making the Oilers D look like Saturday night in Paris Hilton's crotch.

mudcrutch79 said...

I guess Vancouver fans just take whatever they can get. 5-1. Uhh, 5-0. Sorry, I get confused when dealing with the Western Canadian loser franchises.

Anonymous said...

Please, make December end. Worst month of the year for this team, every year.

Now we can concentrate on the annual mad cap dash for the eighth playoff spot.


mike w said...

Good ol' Jes seems to be under the impression that Vancouver doesn't have whiny fans with a lofty sense of entitlement of their own.

Also: Markus Naslund is a giant weiner.