Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Ho-Hum: thoughts from the outside looking in

Sportsnet's Kevin Quinn presents the starting lineup, sponsored by Safeway Score-and-Win or whatever, and I crinkle my nose in disgust.

What am I supposed to be watching here? Tom Gilbert matched up against Paul Kariya? Joffrey Lupul, on a two-on-one, muffing on the puck after a soft Raffi Torres pass?

You'll have to excuse me Oilers fans, but I'd rather watch a Designing Women marathon than get behind this dreck. Or better yet, watch some Eastern Conference games with actual playoff implications:


Carolina at Toronto:
I knew today was "for realz" when I saw some pot-bellied schlub smoking outside a pub at 5:00 pm, wearing his Number 28 Tie Domi jersey. Part of me wanted to crush his head with a lawn chair. As much as I admire some of pluck on this Buds team, they still have Darcy Tucker and a legions of drunken dumbasses from Etobicoke that will forever make this team annoying. But Carolina is another team that I hate, and playoff-less misery loves company. As of writing this, Cam Ward has let in some real softies that we could have fucking used last June. Oh, and he just got pulled.

New Jersey at NY Islanders: I pressed my nose against the screen when I saw Smytty. Of course, with the indefinite loss of Rick DiPietro to post-concussion syndrome, the team's fate has been left in the hands of ... Mike Dunham? He's still around? How many sub-.900 SVP seasons does a goalie get in this league? Without DiPietro, this team is doomed.

NY Rangers at Montreal:
Man, okay I'm confused. Is this Habs team supposed to suck or are they awesome? Looks like they're about to rattle off their 5th-straight win, and even with their number 1 goalie out with injury, the Habs managed to pull a Jaraslav Halak out of their ass ("Halak" being a goalie on a .957 tear, and "their ass" being the Hamilton Bulldogs). And wasn't post-CBA Sheldon Souray supposed to suck? Guess it helps when you're a powerplay wizard, along with Andrei Markov, on the league's best powerplay. I mean, when you look at them 5 on 5, they're awful -- 29th in the entire league, with Columbus nipping at their heels. Incredibly, about 40 % of their goals come off of the powerplay. With all of these double digit minus players skating up and down the ice, it almost seems like cheating somehow, doesn't it?

Okay, time to slouch back to the Oilers losing against Nashville. Oh look, Shea Weber and Ryan Suter are awesome young defencemen. Wee. At least I can still catch the last half-hour of Dancing with the Stars if I'm so inclined. Or maybe I'll just grab a bottle of wine and have a nice hard cry in the tub.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

2 and 2 so far. Edmonton can't seem to make up its mind to get that draft pick. Maybe if Forsberg decided to start pulling his weight on Nashville, Edmonton would still be in the Cherepanov hunt.

Anonymous said...

Jesus christ now its 3 to 2 for Edmonton. Are you going to cry because they're winning or because no one knows what the hell is going on anymore?

mike w said...

If you are patient, you will be rewarded. 4-3 Nashville.

Anonymous said...

Roloson gets an assist on Petersen's goal! Sweet! Don't bother trading for a puck-moving defenseman or a new goalie cuz Rollie is in OIL TOWN!

Chris! said...

Glad to see that Leafs fan photo is still kicking around.

Not even Suzanne Sugarbaker herself would have approved of such a flagrant display of lace...

Andy Grabia said...

I spent the day/night watching Season 4 of The Wire and Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. It was sublime.

Anonymous said...

Smytty was mic'd up today for the Isles on versus... and it hurt.... boy oh boy...it hurt.

Darien said...

What did he say?

Anonymous said...

He said "Sorry about your luck Coiler Biatches, I'm going to the playoffs!!!"

That's not even amusing to me now.

I wish we had a guy like Smytty on our team.

Why won't it stop hurting?

Duke

Anonymous said...

He said "Sorry about your luck Coiler Biatches, I'm going to the playoffs!!!"

That's not even amusing to me now.

I wish we had a guy like Smytty on our team.

Why won't it stop hurting?

Duke

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the repeat, that was not intentional!

Duke

Scarlett said...

When you know the names of the Designing Women, you know you've been watching too much.

But that Leaves photo is priceless.

Black Dog said...

The second straight year of the Leaves in the big "Make The Playoff Run" - old hat to Oiler fans, so many years where every game after December 27th was a must win and one would go to bed hoping, HOPING, that the Blue Jackets could hold that two goal lead against whatver team the Oilers were chasing (they could not).

But the Leaves' playoff chase is the Oilers writ large - every newspaper cover (except the Globe) including a photo of the Leafs in celebration or mourning, depending on the result.

A horde of media that makes the Persians in 300 look like they could barely make quorum, all hovering over Paul Maurice's last bowel movement, shuffling pieces of corn and peanuts as they try to divine the Leaves' playoff fate.

LittleFury said...

A horde of media that makes the Persians in 300 look like they could barely make quorum, all hovering over Paul Maurice's last bowel movement, shuffling pieces of corn and peanuts as they try to divine the Leaves' playoff fate.

Quote of the week.

pevans said...

damn that photo. Will it never stop taunting me?

I blame Mirtle.

Lord Bob said...

Yeah, that photo might be fruity, ineffectual, and ugly, but the costume is really well-designed from a fundamental technical point of view. Symmetry, balance, and the like. Few would want to be caught dead wearing it but it has good fundamentals.

Wow, I think that's a metaphor for the Oilers, actually.

Pleasure Motors said...

I really think that, more than the costume, it's the haircut that makes this picture. If it was just the costume, you could probably pass it off as some kind of lost bet or something, embarrassing enough but not really disturbing. With the haircut, though, you just know he was off to the High Park Renaissance Faire '97, and that creates the masculine/feminine tension that makes it the classic it has become.

Eyeris said...

Isn't this picture part of a series? I faintly remember seeing a picture of the same dude wearing a Robin Hood costume. Of course, a Robin Hood costume doesn't have the same visual impact.

mike w said...

Yeah, type "Peter Pan guy" in Google and prepare to enter a fantasy world of a man in tights...

Dennis said...

Annie Potts should slap your mouth;)