Thursday, March 8, 2007

Non, madame, je pense qu'il ne le parle pas.

So we got a lot of hits today, and for the life of me, considering our team's current pants-poopening and this blog's insistence on rending its shirt and beating its chest about the loss of Ryan Smyth, I couldn't imagine why. I checked the referrals to see if we got an outlink from somewhere far more popular, and didn't find anything — but I what I did dig up were these: today's nine most awesome Google searches that led some disappointed weirdo to Covered in Oil. AHEM:

"Music on"
"massage parlour edmonton"
"mike comrie nude"
"christie chorley" (incredible, isn't it?)
"heterochromatic eyes"
"oilers coaching sucks"
"does dion phaneuf speak french?"
"ryan smyth is greedy"
"Raffi Torres Cocaine"

All I've got to say is that if we're one of the top hits for a search of Edmonton massage parlours, someone at Sinderella's on 109th St. is clearly not doing their job. Or maybe they're just so packed with all the post-game traffic from the Lazer Tag warehouse across the street that they don't even have to try.


mike w said...

Very nice. In the name of wasting time, I want to offer possible explanations on these search queries:

"Music on" - Have you heard the intro music on It's "Final Countdown" meets the soundtrack from "Cat People." I'm surprised we haven't made fun of it already.

"massage parlour edmonton" - Pleasure Motors is known to be a bit of a "Rub 'n Tug" aficionado. The query was probably from a traveller looking for the best places to go around the airport.

"mike comrie nude" - the much-rumoured "Stockholm Tryst" video tape featuring Comrie and Tommy Salo's wife has been much sought after, but never found

"christie chorley" (incredible, isn't it?) - the Pronger trade lives on. Although I'm happy to say that the Ryan Smyth trade brought in an all-time high for CinO traffic, so screw you Pronger!

"heterochromatic eyes" - Shawn Horcoff's differently-coloured eyes. Science is fun?

"oilers coaching sucks" - you have found the right blog, especially if you're thinking of Craig Simpson.

"does dion phaneuf speak french?" - I believe the accompanying photo for this post answers all questions.

"ryan smyth is greedy" - clearly a search from a wayward, EIG-lovin' idiot.

"Raffi Torres Cocaine" - better be careful: you never know who reads these blogger comments. This is exactly how Eklund rumours get started. Oh, and here's my hot buzz: Eklund is a fraud (e5).

mike w said...

By the way, very inspired PhotoShop work there, Chris.

Chris! said...

Personally, I love that second to last search. Like the guy was expecting to stumble upon and let out a long, satisfied sigh.

Anonymous said...

Photoshop? No way, that looks too real.

Oil Fan in Winnipeg

Anonymous said...

That was the funniest post I've seen in a really long time.

Pleasure Motors said...

This will only further my status as a long-time rub-and-tugger, but it's worth mentioning that Sinderella's has been closed down for about two years now, which may explain our prominence on the google search.

mike w said...

Anyone know what happened to "Fantasy Massage" on the intersection at Baseline and 50th street, tucked away in a mini-mall behind the A&W?

With it's silhouette of a buxom lady on their sign, and the promise of "fantasy," it was always a welcome passing landmark on the drive home.

Katie O'D said...

"Raffi Torres Cocaine" oh my god, that's hilarious. So other people are trying to figure out what the hell is up with Raffi? He's a maniac but I don't think he's a cokehead.
Classic picture, too.

anonymous internet guy said...

I have heard from multiple sources Raffi Torres is a cokehead. It's pretty much confirmed.

Katie O'D said...

Huh, looks like you're right. Not necessarily about him doing it (could be- who knows?) but about it being a well-known rumor. Why hadn't I heard that before? Dang. I guess it made too much sense for me too believe.

mike w said...

Petr Klima was also a shit freak.

Dennis said...

Great work guys. That Dion picture killed me

Sarah said...

Dude, my sources tell me that Sinderella's is clozed. As is the Lazer Tag warehouse. But don't stop talking about exotic massage on your hockee site - I'm sure it gives a lot of people "good wood."