Sunday, March 4, 2007

What would YOU do?

In a comment from Bob in the last post, he asked: "...what would you have done in Lowe’s position?"

Interesting question.

If I could hunt down and flay Kevin Lowe in the Oilers office parking lot on Kingsway, put on his skin and pose as Oilers GM for a season, I would have done this:

-- Not re-sign Staios, Pisani and Moreau for all of that extra dough, saving about $3 million. Let them walk if they have to. I'd understand. Then I'd use the phrase “cost of doing business” and watch Oilers fans swallow it up and barf it back on web boards.

-- Somehow negotiate Toby Peterson to play below the league minimum and have the NHLPA approve it. My negotiating acumen earns me the Edmonton Sun nickname: “Loweballs”

--Trade for a couple of serviceable veteran defenceman, at least by December, or perhaps try to acquire almost any defenceman in the top 30 for points scored... and succeed.

-- Enjoy a nice lamb lunch at The Harvest Room with Cal Nichols, The Edmonton Journal's editorial board, Todd McFarlane and other EIG Investors, regaling them with witty hockey stories, magic tricks and one-line zingers, after which they all agree that I’m “a smash hit.”

-- Re-sign Ryan Smyth at a little bit more than you’d want, at a little longer than you’d want, citing the obvious leverage in Smyth’s favour: career year numbers that puts him in a top rung of the league, being fresh off a SCF appearance, consistent production, and other intangibles like leadership, a willingness to throw his face into pucks, and not least of all, a lack of cosmopolitan flair that makes living in other cities appealing.

-- Tell Mark Messier to stay out of the dressing room, lest I leave the impression that the franchise is merely a 1980s reunion clubhouse (god forbid).

-- Spot any Calgary and Vancouver fans in the Rexall Place Concourse, pull their hair and spit down their shirts, earning me the Edmonton Sun nickname “Crazy Lowe!”

-- Stop stockpiling picks and prospects when there’s no place to actually put them.

-- Then make the playoffs because I’m awesome, molt away Kevin Lowe’s skin, and fade back into the general public, with no one the wiser.


mc79hockey said...

I think that you could pull it off - your hair looks similar in this picture, except that Lowe's has had the necessary adjustments for age and position.

Ladysir said...

Shouldn't there be a large hunting knife photoshopped into the left side of the background?

joninabox said...

Excellent, very nice done.

Anonymous said...

I like your version of this year better than the real one...can we switch??


Anonymous said...

Okay, even if you think Ryan Smyth at 5.5 over 5 years is overpaying, look at it this way: next year he's definitely worth the nickel and a half, year two say 5 even, year three 4.5, year 4: 4 mil, year 5 he's only worth 3.5. That would mean you 'overpaid' him 5mil over the last 4 years of his contract or 1.25 mil/year. Even in year 5 when you're overpaying him 2million, that 2 million we'll probably only be 4% of a likely 50million total cap. I think all these figures would have been easily manageable to Oiler management and explainable to Oiler fans.

mike w said...

I also think Smytty will be worth it for every year in his contract.

It's a hunch based on his particular Andreychuk-like qualities around the net, something that I think won't rapidly deteriorate just because Smyth is now in his 30s.

Alana said...

"Loweballs" -- heheheh.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking more and more that as much as this sucks (Smyth gone) and we can argue this until the end of Depietro's contract (an eternity) we gotta get ON with our lives. OK, so maybe we can get Smytty in the summer (I doubt it, Charles Wang will probably offer him a 50 year deal), or maybe we can build our team from defense out, and get some quality guys in here.

It's another chapter in the Oilers life. We can bitch and moan forever, but I'd rather not.

mike w said...

If you in case you haven't noticed, there's not exactly a lot to GET ON WITH, unless you count the race to the bottom for draft picks.

You can't rush grief, Daniel.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna throw 94 roses into the North Saskatchewan River.

Jorge said...

Surprised you never found a use for the term "Sweet and Lowe"... or "Suite and Lowe"... or... you get the picture.

Anonymous said...

94 roses into the North Saskatchewan River.

That reminds me, last year just about every male albertan north of Red Deer purchased an Oiler sweater with 94 emblazoned on it. What happens to all those Jerseys? A bonfire on Whyte Ave?

Matty McMatterson said...

That picture is absolutely terrifying. Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

It still hurts.

Mike W., a great a simple rejoinder to the EIG apologists. I like the italics around "...and succeed."

This was a case where you do the right thing whatever it costs for whatever the reasons.

In effect K-Lowe wrote the first paragraph of his resignation letter last week. Every decision is now suspect.


James said...

You're going to cry 94 tears.
You're going to cry 94 tears.

Scarlett said...

I guess you're having some trouble accepting Smitty's trade? I suggest psychiatric help and drugs. Anything to mask the pain, right? lol

Loxy said...

Get an AHL team. That would honestly be my number one priority. Or even a full ECHL team. Make it the best ECHL team ever assembled so that when they win the league, the fans get behind them and force their way into the AHL.

A lot of effort to develop a few players? least it's better then Smidding them all.

sacamano said...

That'a a beauty Mike, just a beauty.

Will we be treated to some Smytty Haiku from PM?

Anonymous said...

Smyth not worth the cash?
We all cried 94 sad tears
Please God, smite K. Lowe

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else been noticing the numbers MAB and Smyth have been producing with the Isles? They are suddenly rejuvenated point machines! What is up in Oiltown?

Anonymous said...

Mike W, I admire your passion for the Oil. I hope KLowe does something good this summer. Is there anyplace online where we can get EIG numbers (profits, etc)? I think you might be right that they have more $ available than they let on...