Sunday, April 15, 2007

Flames jerseys 4 sale, cheep!

11 am is a little bit early to be waking up on a Sunday, so I didn't catch the beginning of the game, but imagine my delight when I rolled out of bed at noon to see the Flames not only down 2-0, but being outshot 23-8!

This has inspired me to liveblog the rest of the game in between studying. I didn't know watching the playoffs with your team out
could be this fun.

12:16: They just pointed out the Flames have been outshot 68-29 in the series so far. Oh, and now the Flames have a powerplay. Maybe this gets interesting.

12:19: F. Phaneuf finally pinball-wizards a shot through. 2-1. Maybe I should abandon this project: my playoff liveblogs don't have a good track record.

12:24: Obligatory Chris Chelios is old/in great shape reference by the broadcast team. Some indication of how exciting play has been the last few minutes.

12:27: Thoughts on the CBC's "Bring Home the Cup" commercial:
-Why are they showing a Buffalo Sabres jersey? Is that the closest bandwagon for Leafs fans?

-The Ultimate Playoff Party probably employs only one of Pepsi, Gatorade and Lays, perhaps two depending on how you like to mix your drinks
-How it should end: swiping the Cup from Mess' hands and slamming the door in his face. Also maybe brain Mess with the Cup

12:30: Detroit looks like they have no idea how to play a team that isn't completely rolling over to take it. They look like they're the older half of a father-son tom thumb game, and can't believe their boys have decided to throw the body. Another Flames powerplay.

12:39: Regher to the bench with pain. Throw the knee! Hack the bone! Also: I almost forgot what a collection of assholes the Detroit Red Wings are. I can't believe I'm cheering for Holmstrom, Maltby, Cleary, Chelios, Schneider, etc. Win this series quick, Wings, so I can start cheering against you pricks again soon.

12:46: The broadcast team has mentioned several times that Kiprusoff needs to "stay in the moment" and not get discouraged by the fact his team can't score. Has this ever been a problem for him? Has he ever given up and let in eight goals while Daymond Langkow shoots another puck into someone's pads? Because all I see is him stopping dozens of shots whether or not he gets goal support, particularly in the playoffs. How many goals did Calgary score in its last five playoff games? 2, 3, 1, 0, 1. And what's Kipper's save percentage been? .900, .929, .933, .935 and .913. Thank you.

12:59: Hrudey, Maclean and Simpson have just looked at the same neutral zone turnover about eight times, a few in slow-mo. I don't know whether to kowtow or turn the TV off.

1:16: GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Huselius shows the most pathetic backchecking in the history of hockey, and the Wings lead 3-1. Eat it Flames!!!!!!!!

1:22 Prediction: the game Todd Bertuzzi comes back to play in is the first game the Wings lose.

1:25: Greatest part of the last little while: Calgary's top line looking like knob hockey players run by a team of schnauzers in the offensive zone, followed by Datsyuk stealing it from Iginla and Iggy falling down, Tom Thumb-style. It's the kind of joy you can't find on highlight reels or Yahoo! box scores.

1:36 I'm voting for the 3 stars. What a completely retarded idea, I hope it doesn't actually mean anything. 5-on-3 for
the Wings.

1:40: HA! Another Flames penalty! Man am I glad I don't cheer for this team! This must really suck for you guys. They're completely inept!

1:45: na na na na. NA NA NA NA! HEY HEY HEY! GOODBYE! I have to admit, my Wings in 4 call was mostly out of spite and rage, but they just might do it. Final score: 3-1. Final shot count: the palindromic 51-15. The only way this series could get better is if Kipper gets injured, and we get to watch the Wings torch Jamie McClennan for eight goals a game the rest of the series. Thanks Calgary Flames: I found my smile again.

1:51: Indication that hockey players don't think during post-game interviews: Kirk Maltby just said, "We played really hard tonight." It's four in the afternoon where you are. Guess there's no reason to change the tape for one interview, though.

UPDATE: As per the request in the comments, a team of schnauzers playing knob hockey.


Art Vandelay said...

The Ultimate Playoff Party ends with Messier stealing the money from under your mattress while setting back your kid's development by three years, wrapping your sports car around a pole and waiting until the next afternoon to report it, and then holding a press conference to announce that he'd like your job come Monday morning, at which point the neighbourhood association renames your street Messier Avenue.

Pleasure Motors said...

I actually just meant how the commercial should end, but I agree.

Lowetide said...

It's amazing how wonderful it is to cheer against another team. In front ofm my wife, children and in-laws last weekend I yelled "SUCK IT!" to Mats Sundin when he was interviewed after the Islanders won and the Leafs missed the playoffs.

Not my finest moment, but it was very sincere.

Eyeris said...

knob hockey players run by a team of schnauzers

I want to see that! That would be much more entertaining than what the Flames can muster.

Steve said...

I can't believe I'm cheering for Holmstrom, Maltby, Cleary, Chelios, Schneider, etc.

I'll not hear a word against Dan Cleary, thank you very much.

I hope Chelios gets some terrible disease.


Baroque said...

Then cheer for Valteri Filpula because he's just a rookie and has been doing very well once the coach actually bothered to give him some ice time this season.

And I too want to see schnauzers playing knob hockey. You could probably get it on TV easily--Animal Planet had their 3rd annual Puppy Bowl this year, so why the heck not. :)

D. said...

**hands out gold stars to the Lames for their excellent performance**

Yay! It's fun to watch their demise. How's the Red Mile these days, I wonder? Also enjoyed the live blogging.

Scarlett said...

I feel dirty cheering for the Wings and Chelios. But, I can always shower so it's worth it cheering against the Shames!!!

Baroque said...

The schnauzers are much appreciated. (chuckle)

Anonymous said...

Is that schnauzer trying to get it on with... whatever that thing is?

Anonymous said...

Talk about feeling shame... I'm cheering for the Stars right now.

Living in Vancouver has caused my hate for the canucks to pass over old memories of wathcing the stars trap at the Fargos on Whyte.

Sean said...

Cheering against the Flames is not nearly as fun as cheering for the Oilers.

Anonymous said...

Flames suck out loud, but they did make the playoffs, for what it's worth.

Big fan of the live-blogging. Can you chart your booze intake as you blog so we can be on the ride with you?

Last, appreciate the sentiment, but pls don't call down the CinO Thunder on Jamie McClennan. I went to JHS with the guy and he's very decent, even after he got rich/marginally famous. Let's save our venom/bad juju for Kipper's goals against average, we will see him again surely.


Jeff J said...

Those schnauzers look like 'purebreds.' Is that another veiled insult of Phaneuf's lineage? :)

Doogie said...

So I'm at the Saddlesore yesterday to watch the Hitmen (aka the Calgary team that doesn't suck balls), and I notice a "vintage" Vernon T-shirt. The printing is made to look like worn-out silk-screening, to make all the little fanboys look like they bought it in the 80s, even though I'm fairly certain no such beast existed 20 years ago. Hilarious.

Then, a couple of minutes into the game, a woman two rows behind me who may or may not be Karl Alzner's mother exclaims, "This is hockey! Screw the Flames..." I cackle uncontrollably for a solid minute, and wonder what the Dead Mile will be like when the Flames get slapped in Game 3.

Oh, and nice job on the inside-out (or logo-removed?) vintage Oilers jersey, CBC. Claaaaaassy.

Schnauzers playing knob hockey. This is what I keep coming back for.

Not sure I understand Jeff's comment there.

Pleasure Motors said...

Can you chart your booze intake as you blog so we can be on the ride with you?

I was going to suggest that noon on Sunday might be a little early to start the drinking, particularly the kind of drinking that would be necessary to document, but then I realized that the post below mine not only had a (fairly appetizing) beer in it, but a comment from myself on the merits of drunk posting.

Maybe we can find some sort of Mac hardware that works as a digital breathalizer, giving an up-to-the-minute read-out at the bottom of the page. Alternatively, perhaps a Java Applet that determines drunkneness based on pre-determined factors (spelling mistakes, exclamation marks, swears, inappropriate references to hockey wives, etc), and publishes it in the labels section.

Baroque said...

Is that schnauzer trying to get it on with... whatever that thing is?

Of course not--get your mind out of the gutter!

The schnauzer is just working the knob to play hockey.

Anonymous said...

Who Or What Is WAS
Dear CinO:

Can you tell me what the "WAS" patch on the shoulders of the SJ Sharks is all about ?


Signed: To Lazy To Find Out For Myself.



Blah, blah, answer, details, blah, etc.

*Update* Can someone tell me what the fuck that Loch Ness Monster thing was in SJ.
I was taking a piss and came back (after washing my hands.) and heard bagpipes and saw a tiny traffic sign w/ a "Nessie" on it and some other nonsense during the broadcast. WTF, anybody ?

twain said...

The Nessie thing was over a player who "hasn't been seen" in the playoffs thus far.

The analogy breaks down insofar the Loch Ness monster does not exist, whereas the poorly playing player clearly exists in the literal sense. More fairly, I suppose, we could say TSN was poking fun at a common announcer's refrain--the player has been "non-existent"--playing with the literal versus figurative meaning of the phrase. In all this, TSN hoped to achieve a comic effect.

This is what you saw.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Twain.
Informative, funny, concise.
Well played my friend.

sacamano said...

Nice call on the Big Bert insertion Wings loss, PM.