Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Did someone spit on a gypsy?

Wow! Excuse me while I clear all the empty Export bottles and drifters with marginal devil sticks skills out of this neglected flophouse of an Oilers blog and apologize for our absence during the last, what, 12 days? Jesus.

If it's any excuse, Mikey is overseas "finding himself" in Europe and won't be back for a few weeks yet, while I was in New York last week, where Kristine and I learned that asking someone who won the Senators-Sabres game last night will result in little more than a furrowed brow and immediate, compensatory talk of basketball. As for Mr. Pleasure Motors? Lord only knows what that slackass is doing, but it probably involves at least a baker's dozen of Hummel figurines, a can of rancid olive oil and one frantic, early-morning phone call to the U of A hospital's ER.

Meanwhile, the Ottawa Senators have advanced to the Stanley Cup finals, where tonight's nailbiter of a Red Wings-Ducks game decided they will meet Anaheim. Yep, for the third final in a row, a Canadian team will face a strong club from a market where hockey is considered a niche sport at best and it's perfectly reasonable for a TV station to cut away from overtime to broadcast goddamned horse racing.

The difference this year, I suppose, is the city of Ottawa doesn't seem to care that much either, at least when compared to the Red and Whyte Miles of yore. To be fair, Ottawans tend to avoid doing anything that may be construed as artistic unless there's a FACTOR grant and/or a tax writeoff involved, so they have their reasons, I guess. Still, it seems a tragic waste of a really good team that has an above average shot at the Cup. But at least it will make Leafs fans that much sadder — even if they don't understand what "sad" really means, ret
ards that they are.

But yes: regardless (or irregardless, if you prefer made up words) of all this, tonight's result means Oil fans are now faced with a (SPITS) Comrie v. Pronger final. While Anaheim's advancement does mean that Edmonton gets another low-end first-round pick in 2008, it also means of these motherless douchebags is going to win the Stanley Cup.

Who the hell do we cheer for now? I say the terrorists.

14 comments:

Darien said...

HAY BURKIE I ARE HANDING U TIXXETZ TO THA STANLI CUP FINEL!

gary b said...

Comrie is like a little annoying gnat. annoying, but harmless. he's gonna get so worked over in the first two games it wouldn't surprise me to see him in the pressbox by G3. i can live with his name on the Cup, because in the back of all ur minds we'll know it comes with an ASSterisk.

on the other hand - CfuckingP, that tall lanky motherfucker - i hope he plays 48 minutes a game, blocks a Zamboni with his face, and gets to watch waterbug Alfie speed right between his legs on route to scoring the series winner. fucking dink.

go Senz.

court said...

This blows.

mike said...

At least Conklin didn't get to the finals.

James Gunner said...

"Yep, for the third final in a row, a Canadian team will face a strong club from a market where hockey is considered a niche sport at best and it's perfectly reasonable for a TV station to cut away from overtime to broadcast goddamned horse racing."

NBC didn't just cut away the overtime period to go to horseracing. Nay, they cut away from overtime to go to the horse racing pre-game banter.

Steve said...

I think one of you should make some kind of amusing comment about Matheson's failure to correct the guy who identified MacTavish as a former defenseman in today's "Ask Matty".

Also, go Marchant.

Anonymous said...

I hate the Oilers, but stand with you over your hatred towards Pronger. He is a loser and should be booed in every city in Canada for the rest of his career!!!

Anonymous said...

Look on the bright side. The Oilers gain a 29th overall pick.

D. said...

...blocks a Zamboni with his face...

Ha. Will add this to my wish list of how Pronger will be destroyed.

Darien said...

...Nay, they cut away from overtime to go to the horse racing pre-game banter...

What a great pun. We need more of those. Especially since all hope is lost and despair clings to us, like a needy child.

PPP said...

Ducks in 5 with Pronger winning the Conn Smythe would at least make up for THIS shitty season.

How long until McLea mentions how everyone should want Comrie to win the cup because at least he'll bring it to Edmonton?

SweatyO said...

Wow, motherless douchebags?

For Pronger, totally deserved, but considering Comrie lost his mom to CANCER at a young age....may CIO have finally found rock bottom by accident?

Actually, I don't think your description of CFP is bad enough.

Cock-sucking-ass-fucking-gap-toothed-douchebag-bastard-spawn-of-satan-motherfucking-cuntrag-spineless-dickless-hopeless-shiteating-fuck.

That's more like it.

Chris! said...

Man, you can't hit rock bottom by accident; that shit has to be planned.

Anyhow, I'd promise to read the Wikipedia entry for every player we mock on here from now on, but yeah. I don't care that much, really.

SweatyO said...

Yeah, even for Comrie, there's standards of good taste. I don't care that much either, but I had a "holy fuck" moment when I saw the words "motherless douchebag" associated with MC. You're dead on with regards to the douchebag part though....

For Pronger, fuck that. Only athlete I've ever wished injury on. Ever. Gap-toothed piece of shit....