Saturday, May 5, 2007

'Burkie, I'm handing you a ticket to the finals.'

An article in the Journal today says that the Oilers staff is feeling a little torn over Anaheim's playoff success this post-season. On one hand, if the Ducks make it to the finals, Edmonton gets their first-round draft pick in 2008; on the other hand, if the Ducks make it to the finals, there's an unreasonably good chance that Edmonton will have to endure pictures of Chris Pronger (spits) hoisting the Stanley Cup above his big, stupid, Bob-Hope-resembling asshole face slathered liberally over every Sports front page in the country.

As a fan, I feel no such dichotomy. If Pronger (spits) feels even one fleeting moment of joy the rest of his miserable, deal-skipping life, it'll be one moment too many for me. The man does not deserve happiness, and if there is any justice in the world, his boyhood dream will go forever unfulfilled. T
he 29th pick in 2008 would offer little consolation.

Nope, with Calgary and Vancouver now out, I think it's safe to say that Oilers fans have recalibrated their hate rays to focus squarely on the Ducks. They need 20 cc's of sadness, stat. Which I guess means I'm pulling for the fucking Red Wings, again, because I just can't see San Jose getting the job done in the Western Conference finals.

Finally, in case you're interested, here's Brian Burke's tale of the origin of this coveted bonus first-rounder. As you can see, that Kevin Lowe sure drives a hard bargain.

Burke certainly remembers his conversation with Oilers GM Kevin Lowe when he was trying work the complicated deal.

"Kevin said, 'Burkie, I'm handing you a ticket to the finals.' I told Kevin, 'OK, if that's true, I'll put another first (rounder) up,' '' said the Ducks GM.

" I was happy to do it at the time, and I'll be happy to do it if we get there. It would be arrogant for me to look too far ahead, but, trust me, if we get to the finals we will happily forfeit that first-round draft choice in 2008. That would be a pretty good trade-off.

"I'm sure the Oilers are cheering for us to go as far as we can go."

31 comments:

Scarlett said...

Oilers cheering for the Ducks? No way Burkie. I'd rather have no draft pick than a first rounded if that means Chrissy gets to go golfing instead of hoisting the Stanley Cup.

Then again, they only have to make the finals. They don't have to win. I still think Ottawa is winning the whole thing.

Andy Grabia said...

The 2008 draft list has been compared to the terrific 2003 pool that was so high-end that 21 players out of the top 30 are regulars in the NHL now.

Well it's a good thing we have so many picks in 2007, then. That Lowe sure is a genius. I hear he's the Billy Beane of hockey. Just ask him.

Man, it's gonna take me years to recover from this season.

Anonymous said...

To top it all off, it's rumored that hated marriage is over.

Chris! said...

OH, COME ON.

mc79hockey said...

Even worse, I heard that the reason they're splitting is because she is involved with Pisani and now Fernando is leaving his wife for her. No doubt he'll be the next one who wants out.

Andy Grabia said...

To top it all off, it's rumored that hated marriage is over.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Rod said...

Uh, as long as we're talking worse...worst case scenario clearly is Ducks vs. Sabres. Stanley inscribed with either Pronger or Conklin. Excuse me while I puke a little...merely at the thought. OK, it's probably a good thing Conks career didn't end with game one last year...but hoisting the Cup? At least he wouldn't be in the running for the Symthe though. Still, either result is complete garbage for this Oil fan.

Julian said...

I'd much rather see Conklin's name on the Cup. By all accounts he's actually a good person, if a not-so-good goaltender.


And a slight correction, if the Ducks make it to the finals this year, our pick in the 08 draft would be wherever they finish in the 07-08 season, since this year we already get their 2007 1st pick.


That said, we'd have have to draft Sidney Crosby 2.0 in 08 to make Pronger winning the Cup this year worth it. And even then....

Kirsten said...

With permission, I would like to borrow this photo for my facebook profile to piss off all of the Anaheim fans at this school/people from California who wouldn't know a puck if it hit them in the face but get upset if California is insulted in any way. All of these people have been rubbing it in my face (still) that the Ducks beat the Wild.

I will cheer for anyone at this point, as long as they are not A.) the Sharks B.) as long as they make sure FCP does not hoist a cup.

Chris! said...

Hey Kirsten, by all means. Not like it's my photo, anyhow.

Pleasure Motors said...

'OK, if that's true, I'll put another first (rounder) up,'

That really begins to explain a whole lot about our return for Pronger. Would we have just given him away for free if Burke hadn't have kept insisting Lowe take something back?

D. said...

Pronger sucks. I just had to say it.

Stan the Caddy said...

Oh golly gee, an '08 first rounder? I don't care how deep it is, there's always going to be a Steve Kelly out there for the Oil to draft.

Anonymous said...

Pronger has been fairly healthy and effective in the playoffs thus far. Maybe that means that when he does get hurt/ill, it will be a doozy.

I vote for the first recorded case of testicular leprosy.

(hee-hee-hee-hee)

Kirsten said...

Thank you kindly! I just wanted to make sure.

Anonymous said...

I had a dream FCP's horny wife jumped me last night. I've got no idea where i'm going with this...

PunjabiOil said...

Hahaha, that conversation sounds hilarious.

Paraphrased:

Lowe: Brian, I'm giving you the best defenceman in the league. Please be fair!

Burke: *sigh* alright, very well Kevin, I'll add a conditional pick.

Lowe: Deal

RiversQ said...

That Pronger trade easily has to be one of the worst trades of all time. Just thinking about the conditional pick makes me want to drink heavily. What an idiotic idea.

Stan the Caddy said...

That Pronger trade easily has to be one of the worst trades of all time.

Ok I didn't like it either, but come on... there have been two in the last couple of years that have been worse. Joe Thornton and Robbie L. were far worse. I'd even argue the trade that sent Luongo to Florida was worse. In fact, now that I think about it, if the deal didn't involve Boston or Long Island it really doesn't crack the top 10.

Shawn said...

The value of the trade clearly looks worse now that Lupul is a worse player than he was before...

You know what? I don't think Chris Pronger feels joy... as a result we don't have to worry about the cup bringing him joy. It wouldn't.

Oh oh oh and how cool would it be for him to get to the finals and lose for the second year in a row. So he can move to a new team and still end up with the exact same result and no cup. Especially if Ottawa beats them. The old chokers beat the new ones? Anaheim could become the new Ottawa or the new Buffalo. Make it far but never win. Pronger the new Peyton Manning or Jim Kelly.

I can see it now.

D. said...

Shawn, I'm seeing it with you!

garnet said...

Much as I enjoyed his anonymous comment about the Prongers' marriage, I have to say I'm troubled when Cal Nichols has to stoop to such tactics.

Tyler said...

Ok I didn't like it either, but come on... there have been two in the last couple of years that have been worse. Joe Thornton and Robbie L. were far worse. I'd even argue the trade that sent Luongo to Florida was worse. In fact, now that I think about it, if the deal didn't involve Boston or Long Island it really doesn't crack the top 10.

No way was the Thornton trade worse. It at least sent some useful pieces the other way, although we'll see how young Smid and the picks pan out. As of today, I'd rather have that pile of crap than the pile of crap that we got.

The Luongo trade to Vancouver was, admittedly, terrible. Still though, Smid ain't Bryan Allen yet and the Cats got a pair of firsts or something out of that, didn't they, when you factor in Bertuzzi? Maybe they're on par.

Pretty tough to call the first Luongo trade worse too; again, a legit NHLer went the other way. Let me know if we end up with one for Prongs.

Anonymous said...

Although this is (clearly) a Pronger piece, allow me to throw a little (lot of) hate Comrie's way:Fuck you, ya little shit, may you never come w/in sniffing distance of the Cup.
Thanks.

jon said...

Conklin's name doesn't go on the cup unless I'm mistaken. As a backup he has to play a certain number of games for the team during the regular season. Go Buffalo! *shudder*

D. said...

So let's see: If I cheer for Buffalo there is Conks. If I cheer for the Sens there is Comrie. The Ducks are out of the question. Go Sens. I think this might be their year. I'll just pretend Comrie doesn't exist.

Anonymous said...

At least if Pronger wins the cup we all know he will be alone and miserable, since his wife has left him.

On the other hand...Comrie????

D. said...

Pronger's wife left him? Do tell! I do NOT want to see Pronger raising that cup. Never.

Oil Stain said...

No way was the Thornton trade worse. It at least sent some useful pieces the other way, although we'll see how young Smid and the picks pan out. As of today, I'd rather have that pile of crap than the pile of crap that we got.

Well the return to Boston for Thornton has been reduced to a single piece of crap since all three players were pending UFAS this year and two were traded away at the deadline.

At least Lowe can keep all his crap pile for the next 5-7 years.

RiversQ said...

Well the return to Boston for Thornton has been reduced to a single piece of crap since all three players were pending UFAS this year and two were traded away at the deadline.

Yes, so they kept Sturm and turned the UFAs into Ference and Kobasew. Sturm and Ference are obviously far better players than their Oiler analogues in Lupul and Smid. I'd still say that was a better deal than the Pronger one, although it's obviously horrible too. Unless you're a big fan of lottery tickets, it's impossible to call that deal worse than the Pronger one.

jeremy said...

I too have been thinking about this lately. I've decided on the perfect compromise. The ducks get to the finals (so we get our 1st rounder) then the series goes to 7th game overtime, in which Pronger somehow trips and knocks the puck into his own goal, costing his team the cup.

That would be good.

Really though, Pronger is old news... I mean we got Lupul. :)