Thursday, May 10, 2007

WOW IS IT HARD TO CARE!!

Like, incredibly, seriously hard! The combination of the Oilers run last year, the previous lockout year, and the Flames run for which I was out-of-country during the spring/summer months made me forget how completely, unconscionably insane it is to look out the window and see patio weather and instead choose to turn on the TV and yell at Chris Chelios until you pass out from lack of oxygen (for no real reason, either: far as I've seen, Chelios has been something of a gentleman this playoff season, or at least as much of a gentleman as that smug, swarthy, slough-footed, rat bastard, son-of-a-bitch fuck fuck FUCK THAT WAS HOLDING THE STICK NOT A FUCKING HOOK can be).

It might help that the lone Canadian entry left, Ottawa, has replaced the unbridled and unbra-ed enthusiasm of the previous two Canadian cup runners with curling up and dying every time their team goes down a goal, or at least slipping silently into the shadow of the Parliament buildings after games. Maybe it's just that last year really did spoil hockey for me for the rest of time: it really is hard to care, once you know what caring really is. Suffice to say I will not be drinking grain alcohol straight from the bottle or kissing co-workers' sisters for the Buffalo Sabres (not that that was a result of the Cup run so much as debuachery looking for a banner, but nevertheless).

Anyway, as fun as it is to wallow in malaise for a while, there is a purpose to this post: after my scintillating round two performance, I'm an oustanding 9-2 on playoff predictions this year (9-3 if you include Boredom over Jersey, and I might have even picked Jersey, but I won't claim that until I get a little whiskey-sass going on). No reason not to continue that streak, since I assume the rest of you find it as interesting as I do to watch another man pull things out of his ass.

Before I go on, though, speaking of homoeroticism, we're having another street hockey game this Sunday, the second in what will be bi-weekly affairs from here until the weather once again reminds why we have rentvancouver.ca bookmarked. If you were around last time, you should be on the e-mail list I already sent it out to, but if for some reason you got skipped or couldn't make it last time, just send a message to the e-mail address linked below, and I'll let you know all the relevant details. (Goalies heartily encouraged.)

Without further adieu, who will be moving on:

(1) Buffalo vs (4) Ottawa

Barring another gigantic choke, I think Ottawa wins this one without worrying too much about it. Not to say it won't be close, per se, but Buffalo got to floss with the Islanders in round one and needed some pretty close calls to bat the Rangers away, whereas Ottawa pretty much looked downright dominating against the two teams that round out the top four in the East. The odd times they didn't, Emery was there. Obviously Buffalo will make some kind of series of it, but their team defense is lousy this year (they've given up the second-most shots per game of any team that played in the second round--Vancouver, the team ahead of them, had a couple marathon OTs, and they really suck--and their powerplay is the worst of anyone who didn't get bounced in round one, and again, that's versus NYI and NYR), which Ottawa will surely exploit in a seven-game series. SENS IN 6

(1) Detroit vs (2) Anaheim

When was the last time a 1 seed played a 2 seed in hockey? I know this kind of thing happens all the time in basketball, but I'm thinking a large part of the unexcitement of this year is the almost complete lack of upsets (Ottawa could arguably be called the two seed in the East, if you factor in division leaders and division scheduling). Anyway, this seems essentially like the irrestisble force meeting the immovable object, but Pronger didn't seem to have any trouble shutting down Datsyuk and Zetterberg last year when he didn't have Scott Niedermayer riding shotgun, and the Wings probably won't have Schneider, who isn't exactly a central cog but is nevertheless fairly irreplacable at this point for the Wings. That in mind, I'll take the Ducks, setting up the Mike Comrie-Chris Pronger final that is, astoundingly, only the second-worst of all possible outcomes for an Oiler fan with this final four (the worst, of course, being the dreaded Chris Pronger-Ty Conklin final several people have mentioned the spectre of, which is probably the worst possible finals match-up for an Oilers fan in the history of hockey, unless Peter Pocklington straps on the skates against Hitler and the All-Stars of Genocide some time in the next few years.) DUCKS (spits) IN 6

29 comments:

Stan the Caddy said...

Ron Maclean on tonights game in Buffalo: "the hottest ticket in town."

Ummmmm, when the Sabres aren't playing (I hope that is very soon), what takes over as "the hottest ticket?" Elementary school talent shows?

Sometimes Ron is funnier than he realizes.

mike w said...

You're from Edmonton right?

Glass houses, throwing stones, etc.

mc79hockey said...

Second the picks made here.

Stan the Caddy said...

glass houses, throwing stones, etc.

Well, I haven't lived in Edmonton for quite a few years, but I can't imagine the downtown there is currently anything like Buffalo's is right now, even without a downtown stadium. My point is that there is likely NOTHING else to do in Buffalo, except maybe drive somewhere a little more lively. Believe, I haven't forgotten the days of "Deadmonton," but have you been to Buffalo recently? It makes Niagara Falls NY look like a bustling economic gem in comparison.

And doesn't Edmonton still have the Drillers? ...Ok, point taken.

Pleasure Motors said...

Hey, where are we throwing stones at glass houses? That sounds like a hell of a party.

Stan the Caddy said...

Are you sure it's not a "champagne titanium-clad" house that everyone is throwing stones at?

Steve said...

Suffice to say I will not be drinking grain alcohol straight from the bottle or kissing co-workers' sisters for the Buffalo Sabres...

It was here that I decided to scroll down and check which CiO poster it was who had written this post.

Then I felt stupid.

And then angry.

Steve said...

Also, I'm apparently alone in really hoping to see Ty Conklin's name on the Cup. Go Buffalo!

Anonymous said...

I gotta side w/ Sabres/Steve.
Conklin never shit on Edm. or the Oil. He only exposed him self as an incapable 3rd string goalie.
Comrie, that twat, on the other hand...
Pronger that douche, on the other hand...
I'm only glad that Conks don't play here no more.
The other two I wish horrible, unspeakable deaths, plagues and STDs upon 'em

Go Buffalo!

Craig.

Anonymous said...

I realized, of the remaining 4 teams....

Ottawa - has Mike Comrie, booo
Buffalo - has Ty Conklin, booo
Anaheim - has Chris Pronger, booo


Go Detroit....?????!!

Anonymous said...

I see it's been mentioned too.

me - booooooo

Loxy said...

Go Dan Cleary!

Darien said...

The drubbing that the oilers have taken this year so far is practically comedic. You gotta laugh, or kill yourself. Everyone the oilers hates is in so... go Chelios? Screw it. Maybe all 4 teams' planes will crash into each other in midflight and the cup will be awarded to Luongo alone.

LittleFury said...

Street hockey wise, the good people who operate the rink...thing love keeping me in suspense by not returning my fucking phone messages, so if anyone can come up with a backup location with nets, it could prove immensely helpful. Failing that, a sturdy set of bolt cutters would probably solve our problems.

pevans said...

I've found the outdoor rink at Bathurst and Dundas is good. Has nets too.

Go early, though. Or go late and be obnoxious enough that everyone else leaves.

LittleFury said...

I've found the outdoor rink at Bathurst and Dundas is good. Has nets too.

I think, between the short notice and the exorbitant prices of Edmonton to Toronto flights, we'll have to cross that off the list. Thanks for the info, though.

Pleasure Motors said...

Then I felt stupid.

And then angry.


No hard feelings, Steve. I mean that metaphorically, of course.

Steve said...

Until today I had completely forgotten that Todd Marchant is also on the Ducks. Since Marchant is, for reasons including the video in the post below, possibly my favourite still active former Oiler, I might actually have to cheer for the Ducks in a Ducks-Sens final. Blech.

D. said...

No, no, no, Steve. Never the Ducks! People, don't scare me!

Stan the Caddy said...

It really is a tough final four for Oiler fans. That being said, I don't care how many beloved former Oilers are on the Ducks, I NEVER want to see CP holding the Cup over his head.

Maybe there's some sort of Hate/Love meter we can utilize to figure this out scientifically. Then again, how would we decide value?

While Toddy might be more favourable than Dean-o in Ottawa, I have to believe the hatred of CP swings the balance towards MC and the Sens.

As for the Wings, Danny boy, and to a lesser exent, rag-doll Maltby might get some Oiler love, but geez does it hurt to root for Mr. "Smytty-deserves-a-broken-back?" Chelios and who could be a fan of Hasek's antics?

So, Buffalo's gotta be the obvious choice, right? Well, they don't get any love from me. Gone are the Satan's, Czerkovski's and Grier's and in their place is our modern day Steve Smith. The only thing that's left for Ty, is to finish off his career with the 'Canes, followed by a jump to their front office.

Using the balancing scales, it still looks like Buffalo is the Oiler fan's choice, but not mine. Yes, I'm suer their city would appreciate a championship more than say, Raleigh or St Petersburg, but for some reason, I'm finding their fans to be the most obnoxious of the teams still playing. For a city that has been so close, so many times and still failed, you'd think they'd be a little less cocky about being halfway there, particularly considering the quality of the (potential) opposition.

My choice: bring on another player strike ASAP, at least until you can find a new PA Boss! No? Ok, go Wings.

Stan the Caddy said...

Ah, how could I have forgotten my Brother's favourite player of all time? Nice goal by Hecht. This series looks to be a doozie.

mike w said...

All right, turkeys: I'm off to Europe for a month. I'm leaving with little doubt in my mind that Anaheim will win it all -- just because it's been that kind of a year.

I'll graffiti as many Oilers logos in Berlin as I can.

Toodles!

Pleasure Motors said...

Ah, how could I have forgotten my Brother's favourite player of all time? Nice goal by Hecht.

Hecht? Talk about your black sheep of the family.

All right, turkeys: I'm off to Europe for a month.

I suspect this post will still be at the top of the page when you get back, at the rate Chris! and I normally go.

Steve said...

and in their place is our modern day Steve Smith

I'd sort of hoped I'd no longer be cursing my parents for my name by this point, but Alberta'll still be talking about that goal after the NEP stops coming up in conversation. Sigh...

(Also, if I've been unclear in my comments, the following is my order of preference for Cup winning teams:
1. Sabres
2. Wings
3. Ducks (reluctantly)
4. Sens)

Zodiac said...

Go Sabres!

Fuck.

Darien said...

Does that factor in the 3-0 hole the sabres are currently in? I doubt the Sens have the capability to lose the next 4 games. Ducks or Wings vs. Sens?

Zodiac said...

The Sabres are always underdogs, I don't care if they have Boris Yeltin's ghost playing for them, they are ALWAYS underdogs...

Darien said...

I hear Pronger tried to take out a Wing tonight. Didn't watch the game so I don't know what its about. Anyone? Anyone care?

Doogie said...

Pronger gave the Poor Man's Ryan Smyth a facewash into the stantion while Neidermeyer the Younger drilled him into the boards. Somehow, Rneid gets the gate, and Pronger sticks around. Oh, star power.