Thursday, October 4, 2007

Na na na NAH NAH na nuh-uh nuh-uh, na na na NAH-NA NAH-NA ...

Oilers vs. Sharks
7 p.m. MT
Sportsnet West, 630 CHED
Preview

We've heard the song a million times, pumped over the Rexall PA system in the dying minutes of yet another losing effort by the Oilers — usually just before a defensive zone faceoff between the opponent's first line and our fourth, who got stuck out there on an icing call — a cruelly upbeat counterpoint to the hopeless situation unfolding on the ice.

In this depressing context, it's easy to miss the song's overarching message; it's subtle, to be sure, but if you listen closely enough — maybe with some good headphones in your study at home after the game — and burrow past the triumphant orchestra hits and infectious beats, you just might hear it: In that quiet space, in the reverberating wake of a single, unresolved tom thud, Dutch recording artist Ray Slijngaard poses one simple, life-altering question:

Y'all ready for this?

Your gut reaction may be to immediately agree, to hastily confirm to Mr. Slijngaard sure, whatever, you're down with this; let's do this thing. But, please, stop to think about the consequences before you so readily announce your preparedness. It's a serious question, this y'all ready for this — so really: are you all ready for this? Over the past 16 years, hundreds if not thousands of men, women, children, and yes, even one or two cats, have been moved to announce their readiness by Mr. Slijngaard's rallying call. But the fact of the matter is that no one can truly know if they are indeed ready for this until the moment "this" time arrives. Many — a "y'alls" worth, in fact — have proclaimed their readiness over the years, but in truth, few have been prepared. For this.

I won't lie to you people: there were times when I sincerely doubted my overall this readiness. There were times when Mr. Slijngaard placed a gentle, yet firm, keyboard player's hand on my shoulder and asked if I was ready, and I wanted nothing more than to walk away, to take the LRT back downtown, maybe go to a magazine store, buy the latest Atlantic or New Yorker and leave the dealing with this to someone else. And there were times that I did exactly that, if you replace "New Yorker" with "Swank," "the latest Atlantic or" with "three copies of" and the word "buy" with "steal." Those were weak moments, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm not proud of them. But it's important to me that you know your hesitancy to declare your this preparedness, not to mention your proclivity for stealing third-tier pornographic magazines despite the vast wealth of free nudity available online, is normal.

But tonight, as the Oilers open their 20-whatevereth season against the once-again-Cup-favourite San Jose Sharks, I feel I can say with all honesty that I am finally, truly ready for this. Sure, the other Oilers bloggers may seem more prepared with their "season previews" and "Northwest predictions" and "clever anagrams," but these are all mere distractions, shiny baubles jingled in the sunlight in a vain attempt to divert attention away from the fact that no other blog is remotely close to being as as ready for this as this blog ... is ready... for this. They think that careful analysis and studious insight are the best way to indicate their preparedness for tonight's season opener against the Sharks, and sure, I could stoop to that level and explain why I think this team is going to be either a spectacular success or a spectacular failure, or how the Sharks have made themselves a million times easier to defend against by moving Marleau to the top line with Thornton and Cheechoo — but we here at Covered in Oil know better.

Deep down, we know the only way to truly say "I am ready for this" is with a long-winded, ill-considered ramble that takes a few half-hearted bearswats at humour before ultimately linking to a YouTube video of a 2Unlimited song and calling it a day.

So, uh, here we are.

Y'all ready for this?

40 comments:

majeau13 said...

I'm going to the game tonight, and of course, they will play this song, and of course, I will begin laughing my ass off.

CinO, once again, you kick ass!

Goil

Black Dog said...

Heh. Good stuff.

Devin said...

Nice one - I can't wait for your Cotton Eyed Joe post up next ;-)

PS- the 2unlimited guy has an LA Kings hat on! W.T.F. the merch guys in LA kicked ass back then.

the sieve said...

Sir:

Does your brilliance know no bounds?

mike said...

I came here looking for a coherent game preview. Ironically, I wasn't ready for this.

Chris! said...

You lost me at coherent.

Pleasure Motors said...

Nice to see us starting the year off right.

Oy Ill said...

I'm warm, I'm fuzzy.

McLea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

in terms of season preview - my favorite quote about the Oil comes from Craig Simpson in Maclean's: "The power play should be better"

he actually said that.

Andy Grabia said...

that no other blog is remotely close to being as as ready for this as this blog ... is ready... for this.

I can't even argue that. Fuck it. I'm done.

Anonymous said...

I'm take a grad course in creative non-fiction and this is totally getting quoted in my next assignment.

-LJ

Anonymous said...

taking, taking. -LJ

LittleFury said...

Well, I’m glad somebody is.

Chris! said...

Hey LJ, are you doing your creative non masters at the U of A? Write 398's as far as I got.

Alana said...

Anyone know if this game is going to be blacked out in TO?

Alana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alana said...

Also: very funny, Chris

(seriously)

Chris O said...

The best Oilers-related thing I read today. And I read a lot.

mike w said...

Ha ha! Two Sharks left completely alone in front of the net while the Oilers run around like headless chickens. The PK looks like shit.

mc79hockey said...

Maybe our new coach is a PP genius and PK moron? That'd probably be more fun.

mike w said...

Gagner just made us happy.

mike w said...

So far, ok: the PP looks decent; Souray looks slow; Gagner, Hemsky, Horcoff, Stoll and Gilbert are impressive.

Rock Deputy said...

what the hell... this NHL Center Ice thing is glitchy. They just did a rewind and showed the Torres fight again!

Patty (in Dallas) said...

Genius, Chris! Very funny. And a little poignant.

mike w said...

Cody, you have the online thingie? That shit is buggy.

mike w said...

GILLLLLLLLLLBERT

Awesome passing play by Gagner and Cogs.

Oh, wait. Video review.

chris!

mike w said...

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO

mike w said...

BROOOODZIAK

Rock Deputy said...

I've got the free soon-to-expire online Center Ice beta. Aside from the occasional HNIC Oilers game this is my only means of Goilin'.

mike w said...

WHATTA WIN! I forgot that winning FEELS GOOD. Time for another beer, you dinks!

gary b said...

kids were awesome. and we suddenly have a bunch of Dmen who can jump up into the play and make stuff happen.

and number 83 was sick. he may have to consider changing his name to "Hemsqueeee!" before the season is out.

Scarlett said...

Y'all ready for this? They didn't play the song! You jinxed them! lol

Daniel said...

Couple of notes in no particular order:

Did anyone else experience the exploding beer phenomenon?

We have regained the breakout pass

Gagner: Smart kid, made lots of heads-up plays. I agree with MacT

Hemsky: Should start growing his hair out now

Nilsson: Wanted that point bad after the other rookies got theirs

Cogliano: Hehehehehehe

Penner: Can really move when he wants to. Still looked tired.

Reasoner: Seems quicker this year

Stoll: Never had a doubt

Souray: Can punch holes with that shot, and is impossible to move. That's ok though, 'cause you can just go around. Proposed nickname: Bertha.

Daniel said...

Oh, and Torres apparently took that ufc training to heart. Kneeing? Heh. Beat a guy a few weight classes above him though.

Anonymous said...

Chris!: Athabasca
-LJ

mike w said...

I am drunk!

mike w said...

...with winning, of course.

Cam Fraser said...

So, biggest take away from tonight? God is this team fun to watch. D-men pinching in, players forcing offensive plays (Tarnstrom's spin-o-rama at the blueline), and the glorious Hemsky!

GOiL!

Mike said...

Sheer brilliance. Just...wow.