Thursday, November 29, 2007

Blogger fatigue (aka that NyQuil feeling)

I don't think we're the only ones that have it (there's a lot of Oilers blogs that died around the start of November). Somewhere in the fourth minute of last night's game, with the Oilers down 2-0 having already faced about 20 shots, I felt extra sleepy and hit the hay.

Simply put: the team isn't very good, and doesn't look like it's going to be much better even with key players returning from injury (what can we expect from Pisani, Souray and Moreau? A .05 bump in winning percentage?). We can't even take solace in possibly finishing in the bottom 5 of a deep draft, as Brian Burke will be the sole beneficiary of that consolation prize.

So something's gotta give. I mean I still like hockey and all, but I need to make this a little more...oh, I don't know, what's that word for a feeling from an Oilers game that I haven't felt in a while ... enjoyable? Is that the right word? Enjoyable? Aside from betting on an opposing team, the only thing I can think of is a drinking game for next Friday's matchup against Anaheim (arrgh). The game is simple, take a swig of beer for each of the following and try not to die:

1. Robert Nilsson turns over the puck
2. The Oilers are down by one goal
3. Zack Stortini falls down for no reason

50 comments:

heed said...

may i suggest taking a swig everytime staios gets thrown in the box for holding.

mike w said...

Come on, heed. Are you trying to kill me?

heed said...

i was going to suggest you take a drink everytime torres looked lost on the ice but i figured you would have to set up a vodka iv for that to even be possible.

Andy Grabia said...

Someone posted. And people have commented. Oilellujah!!!

I'd add in drinks for:

1) Every time Ales Hemsky turns the puck over at the opposing team's blueline, leading to an odd-man rush
2) Every time the camera cuts to MacT, and he's got his arms crossed and is slowly shaking his head
3) Every time a defenceman leaves the game with an injury after getting hammered into the boards

And for when he comes back, 4) Penalties Matt Greene takes in his own end.

ChrissyT said...

I don't have that much beer.

Seriously though, I'm the eternal optomist and after Colorado scored to make it 4-0 I turned the channel in disgust (Shrek the Halls was funny, thanks for sucking last night Oilers).

I have to disagree about how the Oilers will play when Pisani, Moreau, Tarnstrom and Souray return. They won't immediatley turn it around, but once Pisani et al find their legs we'll be a much harder team to play against.

And Smid is killing me right now. I love the guy, think he'll be solid in a couple years, but damn does he ever make a lot of (the same) mistakes. He's always playing the puck, when he should be playing the man.

Dave W said...

Drink every time Dustin Penner looks tired.

nameht said...

Drink every time the Oilers get hemmed in their own zone due to having 3 or more rookies on the ice

heed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heed said...

dave,

i think you may have solved the real problem with penner. something tells me DP (if he gets a nick name...it has to be classy) likes to finish off a hard night at the rink with a couple or possibly a dozen beers. don't give him any ideas. the last thing we need is to see him sitting on the bench chugging pils to recover from his last shift.

sacamano said...

Can we use vodka?

the weaz said...

Take a drink every time MacT sends a new line combo out on the ice.

mike w said...

2) Every time the camera cuts to MacT, and he's got his arms crossed and is slowly shaking his head

It's a little known fact, but that's exactly how Dylan Thomas died...

Keegan said...

Drink everytime an opposing teams player takes liberties on Hemsky (or Gagner...) or pretty much anyone player on our team & we don't (can't) respond.
or
Drink for every game we score two or less.

d said...

Every time the camera cuts to MacT and he has his mouth open.

Black Dog said...

Every failed PP.

I know I know, not enough beer in the world.

Simon said...

Holy shit this is funny.

the human torch said...

how about take a drink every time kevin lowe shows that he's got no fucking clue what he's doing?

Andy Grabia said...

Every time Gene Principe interviews Pat Laforge about a fantastic new thing the Oilers are doing.

Dave W said...

I'll do you one better, Andy - take a drink every time Gene uses a prop or a funny hat to illustrate a fantastic new thing the Oilers are doing.

uni said...

Can we use vodka?

Only if you want alcohol poisoning...but I suppose there's a chance it'll put you out of your misery.

If we're using commentators, then take a swig every time:

Maguire says MONSTER!

Hughson gets an erection for a Sedin

Geanerette sounds like he's having an orgasm/pulling a nose hair/having a heart attack

mike from ottawa said...

I'd say you should drink every time the Oil get a shot on goal, but you might not get through a pint unless they go to OT.

heed said...

i think we've ragged on the boys enough.

how bout drink every time an oiler fan suggest we bring back laraque. i mean who wouldn't want to pay $1.3M for 5 minutes of ice time.

ps the year is 05 / 06, the oilers are playing the kings. avery runs just about every skilled player we have. laraque looks on watching, deep in thought, thinking about what he will play on the radio the next day.

buddy said...

Hey, I'm actually looking forward to this game now! Think I'll have to take the station wagon to the liquor store to stock up, though.

How about this one--a drink every time Kevin Quinn shouts out "And that didn't miss by much", when an Oiler takes a harmless shot in the general direction of the opposition goal

edo said...

take a drink every time Gene uses a prop or a funny hat to illustrate a fantastic new thing the Oilers are doing.

Does Ethan Moreau count as a prop for those fantastic things the Oilers are doing?

Coco Says said...

This is seriously the funniest thing! Thanks for brightening up my rather cold day cloudy day! hahaha!

How about a drink every time the commentators forget to call the game cuz they are so bored? And whatever they are talking about - dinner on the town - in much more interesting than what's actually going on in the game?

Oilers PPV is like watching a train wreck on and off the ice. Drink whenever Gene talks...

GoOil!

heed said...

GoOil!

to much effort to use two o's.

GOIL!!!!!!

theGM said...

How about crying more and being more of a pussy?

mike w said...

How about crying more and being more of a pussy?

Sure. I'm willing to try anything.

Mr DeBakey said...

How about crying more and being more of a pussy?

That's the funniest one.

Doogie said...

Drink every time an Oilers forward stops five feet from the blue line on either side, creating an offside.

Seriously, if you're going to carry the puck in, try to at least reach the top of the circle before trying to do shit. At least make them half-assed work for their odd-man rushes.

Jonathan said...

Speaking of commentators, somehow Greg Millen was missed.

Drink when he

1. says "I talked to ______ this morning"
2. incorrectly identifies a player
3. inquires whether or not the puck was tipped by a player before scoring ("it may have been redirected")

If you follow these rules carefully, you will be vomiting before Behind the Mask begins.

Brent said...

Mr DeBakey said...
How about crying more and being more of a pussy?

That's the funniest one.

LOL I agree.

Stop complaining. Real Oilers fans rejoice in mid november slumps and create trade outlandish rumors to spread amongst their friends involving Lecavalier for Stortini to improve TB "team toughness"

Stick to the funny not the whiny.

skinny said...

Glad to see everyone else feels exactly the same way I do. It's slightly past ennui at this point. I turned on the game 5 minutes in and said to myself, "I bet it's 3-0" and of course it was 2-0 and I sighed and turned the channel. It's just too painful to watch the same mistakes over and over again. At least the Flames blow, hey Keenan why don't you pull the goalie a little bit earlier?

mike w said...

Stop complaining.

Or what? You're gonna stop reading our blog?

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know how to contact the Oilers? Their site is suspiciously void of contact details.

I want to tell them that I'm a better player than Zack Stortini and that I can prove so with a 5-minute audition. I'll also play for free, and personally guarantee that I'll fall down 25% less of the time.

LJ

P.S. I'm a terrible player.

Dennis said...

I think you've defintely hit on something here, Mike.

It feels like I was writing about this team a helluva lot more last season and it's not like we were all that great then, either.

But something's changed around the blogs and it just hasn't been that active lately. I felt like writing something today about just how good do the Loweapologists think this team will be once everyone gets back, and I'll exclude Greene because he seems the futhest away, but then I stopped halfway though.

I think we're in that grey area where they aren't bad enough where you can constantly lampoon them and they're certainly not good enough where you can feel somewhat justified in agonizing over every loss.

The truth of that matter is Lowe's done a helluva job kicking the shit out of this franchise. Or at least when it comes to on the ice. We've got some young pieces but it's probably 2010 before we see the playoffs again and that's pretty damn disappointing from this corner.

Pronger wanted out and Lowe couldn't change that but he didn't have to settle either. Plus, we didn't make the best decision on Smyth and then we went and spent money on Souray. It's hard for me to seperate the team from the idiot that's running it. And it's hard for me to get overly excited about this club when the next block of probable success is a long way away.

I just have a hard time believe that such a drastic rebuild was that neccessary. Not to mention wondering how five years worth of Souray fits into any kind of a sensible plan.

Anyway, my submission for the drinking game is take a shot everytime you see one of Gagner's linemates refuse to pass to him when they're working the walls because they know that's where plays go to die

Steve said...

Am I the only one who listens to games on the radio? Drink

1. when Rod Phillips forgets and Oiler's name (or, alternatively, substitutes the name of a long-departed Oiler),
2. when Rod Phillips criticizes a call against the Oilers or a non-call against the opposition,
3. when Rod Phillips says "gargantuan",
4. when Morley Scott gently corrects Rod Phillips (Rod: "And Staios is heading off for two minutes, and I'll tell you what, Morley, I don't know what game these guys are watching." Morley: "Well, having a look at it on the replay, Rod, it looks like Staios threw his stick to the ground and put Sedin in a full nelson, so that's probably where the holding call came from.")

When Rod Phillips retires, my tears will be real. I'm not kidding.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure whether I want to hug all the Oiler fans I can find as an expression of sympathy, or watch them drink themselves into a stupor.

(I'm leaning more toward sympathy.)

--Baroque

David S said...

Never thought I'd say this, but drink...

Every time a puck hops over a player's stick at Rexall.

Andy's "It'll get better when it cools off." theory doesn't seem to be working out so good.

uni said...

Damnit, I'm missing this game =(.

uni said...

Oh dear god...and to think the Colorado game came in clear...and I can only listen to this game ARGGGGGH!

Kirk said...

Anyone else listening to this game vs. Anaheim??? WTF??? Oil are up 5 - 1 in the third, chased giguere, and Brodziak is having a career game.

How can you not love the high parts of this rollercoaster season?

d said...

Whoa. This game is actually...watchable?

It still pleases me they boo CP.

I'm not liking Hemsky in the dressing room. Please be ok!

uni said...

Staios getting a goal is the capper so far. =D

Lord Bob said...

Perhaps we should turn this into an actual Oilogosphere drinking game. Drink every time Andy says somebody bad about Kevin Lowe's management, and drink when I contradict him in a snarky, sarcastic way without actually refuting the body of his argument. Drink when Lowetide compares a prospect to a 1970s Expos third baseman you've never heard of, drink when any Covered in Oil writer does something uncomfortably homoerotic... I think we're onto something here.

mike w said...

Drinking works.

OILLLERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chris! said...

You guys make me want to care again.

Doogie said...

Take a triple every time Dennis expounds on Lowe's post-June 2006 trade record and the ensuing rebuild.

sacamano said...

Fuck. I hardly even got a buzz on last night.

It is typical that as soon as we figure out a way to make losing fun, they go and blow out Anaheim.

mike w said...

Huh. I like this "nothing but roof" version of the Oilers.

Also: extend Tom Gilbert's contract now.