Tuesday, December 11, 2007

'When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you'

So how about that Mike W, huh? You have to admire the little guy's indomitable spirit; whilst fans like Pleasure Motors and I are only too eager to jump ship and scurry away to "attend to other matters" at the first sign of rainclouds accumulating over the Oilers' season, the real fans, those true heart-and-soul types like Mikey here bravely soldier on, apparently only more than happy to pay a premium for NHL Centre Ice so he can watch Minnesota strangle the life out of his beloved squad eight times a year while clutching his homemade Allan Rourke doll to his chest in a vain attempt to protect the brittle pile of black, icy shards that were once recognizable as "good feelings" from being mercilessly pestled into dust.

Whew! That sentence was almost as long as Mike's unbroken string of posts on this "team" blog. But with CinO's star player out battling a flu-induced mindfog tonight and me too lazy to go to the gym this afternoon, the time have come for the long-dormant support staff to swoop in and take up the slack. Thanks for carrying the team for the last month or so, pallio. But daddy's here now. Daddy's here to pick up the pieces.

And speaking of heart-and-soul types who carry teams, how about that Shawn Horcoff? In case you missed it somehow, everyone's favourite ocular heterochromia sufferer is kind of playing out of his mind these days, riding a seven-game point streak (and three-game goal streak) into tonight that puts him on pace for career highs of 37 goals and 82 points and shows few signs of easing up. Simply put, I don't think it's overstating matters to say that Scorcoff is the main reason the Oilers have maintained any semblance of competitiveness this year. After all, we're talking about a guy who, after 31 games:

• Leads the Oilers in scoring with 31 points, nine more than second-best Ales Hemsky;
• Leads the Oilers in goals with 14;
• Leads the Oilers with assists with 17;
• Leads the Oilers with six multi-point outings — including a four-point night against Minnesota Oct. 25 — five of which were wins;
• Leads the Oilers in shooting percentage with 21.2%;
• Is tied for the team lead in +/- with a plus-4 rating (Robert Nilsson, Dustin Penner the others)
• Is tied for the team lead in game-winning goals with 2 (Raffi Torres);
• Is tied for the team lead in power-play goals with 4 (Dustin Penner)
• Is second on the team in power-play helpers with 4 (behind Hemsky's 5 PPA)
• Leads all Oiler forwards in TOI with 22:01 minutes a night.

I could try to throw out a quality of competition rating and some Corsi numbers, but I won't insult you by pretending to understand such bewildering statistical witchcraft. The counting numbers alone are enough to tell you that dude is a beauty player who does it all. If you're still looking for a candidate to fill the void in your heart left by the Ryan Smyth trade, consider making the Horc your new object of unabashed adulation.

Look for Horcoff to once again carry the Oilers tonight against the annoyingly rejuvenated Blues. Well, the game's on PPV, so don't look for it unless you're some kind of king or something, but yes: My point stands.

5-3 Oilers. Horc with 1 goal and 2 assists, Mike W with eighteen sniffles, three fainting spells and one furtively thrown beer bottle that breaks the volume knob off his TV.

55 comments:

mike w said...

Thanks, Chris.

That has to be the most evocative blog post title in hockey blogging...

Oh, and I finally cleaned the puke-encrusted underside of my toilet bowl and just ate my first meal since Sunday, so things are looking up! Goilers! Stanley Cup!

deebs said...

The Blues should be prepared to feel the wrath that follows the steely stare of one blue and one hazel colored eye.

Here's to Mike W's Horc-ups enabling a few for Horcoff.

Chris! said...

"... just ate my first meal since Sunday"

Maybe that will help you to stop being so FAT and UNATTRACTIVE.

mike w said...

Well, I had to find a way to fit into my cumberbund for the office Xmas party on Saturday SOMEHOW.

Doogie said...

I noticed this while contemplating a trade in one of my Fantasy Leagues.

Shawn Horcoff is tied with Anze Kopitar at 31 points. Does that not sound a little off-kilter to you?

Chris! said...

...And only because Kopitar has put together a little seven-game point streak of his own to keep up.

Naturally, I have Anze on my bench this week. Stupid weekly pool.

mike w said...

Horcoff was my free agent Fantasy Pool pickup about two months ago.

Nice time to start a 1 PPG game pace, huh?

Doogie said...

I think I got Horc in the eighth round or something stupid like that. I narrowly missed Hemmer in Round 4 or 5.

mike w said...

Heh. Luongo is out for a while. Now we get to see how truly terrible Vancouver actually should be.

Dumbest trade ever.

Anonymous said...

I can hear the fans on Whyte ave for the '09 Cup run now. No more will it be "Let's see some titty for Smytty" it will be "Shirts off for Horcoff"

Chris! said...

I've always preferred Christie's suggested "Kiss a tranny for Fernando Pisani" myself.

Anonymous said...

Lupul's working on a five point night after only 40 minutes. Did he have one of those with the Oil?

mike w said...

Did he have one of those with the Oil?

Ah Anonymous, I'm not going to answer that because it's a trick question -- I will not play along with your demented parlor games!

I forgot that PPV means Rob Brown as the "analyst." The irony is that people have to spend money for this.

mike w said...

Man, I'm getting sick of the sound of opposing team's goal horns.

Oh and what a surprise: Rob Brown says that the Oilers "really need to respond with a big shift" after getting scored on. He only says that after every single goal.

Stan the Caddy said...

PPV means Rob Brown as the "analyst."

I couldn't believe someone could be worse than G Millen until I heard this Mr Brown. It's such a shock to the system when you're used to hearing Ferraro. I guess I don't mind so much since I don't live in Oil Country. Thirteen dollar crack party!!!!

worst analysis ever.

... he didn't have a whole ton of speed, so I was surprised he was able to make so many moves.

mike w said...

HORCOFF OR DIE!!!!

Nice clip, Stan. A nice illustration of a man talking about hockey as it unfolds before his eyes, with no insight whatsoever.

Chris! said...

HOOOOOORRRRRRCOOOOOOFFFFF

uni said...

Horcoff was a pickup from the free agent scrap heap last week. He replaced Jagr in my lineup. If only I'd have grabbed Antropov as well.

Wish I could watch the game, but I'm off to bed with CHED in the background. Since I won't be watching this game I'm calling a 5-2 Oilers win. Horcoff with the triple, Hemsky and Nilsson with onefers.

mike w said...

This bit on on the Gagner-Gilbert-Cogliano frat boy house is hilarious.

uni said...

Mike W where do you live, I think I'm going to have to start pitching in for PPV...christ.

gary b said...

Sweet baby heebus - 6-point night for Loopy.

Flyers 3 FOR 14 ON THE POWERPLAY?
LUPUL 12 SHOTS??

thems career totals for the diaphanous one.

mike w said...

It's free as part of the Centre ICe package when you're out of province (ie. Toronto).

But I wouldn't bother unless you have a blog where you feel compelled to confirm that the Oilers are a mediocre team by watching all of their games.

uni said...

I'm a glutton for pain. It's like that infamous Milhouse line, "I fear to look yet I cannot turn away."

mike w said...

Fuck. Is it just me or is EVERY GAME THIS SEASON LIKE THIS?!?!

Imagine a 6-1 win. Seems utterly unthinkable, doesn't it?

uni said...

It did until those Anaheim games. But yeah, those seem like anomalies and the mean deviation is going to be this see saw shit all season long.

I don't believe Boyes keeps scoring like that.

Stan the Caddy said...

...I wouldn't bother unless you have a blog where you feel compelled to confirm that the Oilers are a mediocre team by watching all of their games.

So, my life is a blog?

What a bomb from Souray!! Please don't injure Marty, Sheldon.

mike w said...

The $5 million dollar rocket!

mike w said...

Woops. Steve Staios has been terrible in the last few games.

That goal started with a soft, lame outlet pass that never made it out of the zone.

uni said...

Oh for cripes sake. WTF. Can we have the lead ONCE or be tied for more than 5 minutes this game?

Temujin said...

Now we get to see how truly terrible Vancouver actually should be.

Jackass. The vaunted Canuck offense will pick up the slack like they did against the Kings last night.

Sigh.

Anyways, Staios is a -3 in nearly 14 minutes of icetime through two periods. Think MacT will pin his ass to the bench in the third?

Chris! said...

"Think MacT will pin his ass to the bench in the third?"

Somehow, I doubt that'd make much of a difference.

Temujin said...

It would prevent him from being a
-4, I guess.

uni said...

Pisani! Nilsson has a points streak going as well. =D

garnet said...

5-on-3 for the last 2 mins. Say goodnight, everybody.

Temujin said...

Not goodnight just yet...

uni said...

Luongo and Morrison Day to Day, ouch. Could be worse I guess; he could be on the IR.

gary b said...

SCORCOFF!

Little Fury said...

#10=God

garnet said...

Whaddyaknow? Mike, when you're better you've got to come up with suitable devotional PhotoShop for Horcoff along the lines of what you did for Smyth (the prince of crease?) last year.

Temujin said...

Give him the "C" right now.

garnet said...

Maybe we DON'T have to figure out how to play with a lead.

uni said...

Wonder what type of contract is going to come if Horcoff keeps this up. Man alive. Worth staying up to see that goal go in.

Best part for me was the FSN commentators: "It's unfortunate that went in as Toivanen got a piece of it and it just went in."

Paulus said...

Horcoff is the new Crosby.

David S said...

Crosby is the new Horcoff!

Andy Grabia said...

44 comments? Fuck. I can't believe I missed out. Well done, lads.

Andy Grabia said...

I could try to throw out a quality of competition rating and some Corsi numbers, but I won't insult you by pretending to understand such bewildering statistical witchcraft. The counting numbers alone

YOU USED "COUNTING NUMBERS"!NERD!!!

I'm so mad I missed out on this.

Kirk said...

Pretty damned close with that prediction, sir. Replace one of Horcoff's assists with a SO winner and allow for another STL goal, and you nailed it.

No word on the condition of Mike W's TV.

penaltyshots.ca said...

Now explain to me why Horcoff is not captain in favour of a guy who has missed 106 straight games and has a career high 32 points. Ludicrous.

Just because he reminds MacT of himself doesn't mean Moreau should be captain. At any important point in any given game, Horcoff will hit the ice, Moreau will remain nailed to the bench. It will be Horcoff that the young guys look to in every important situation.

Don't get me wrong, its great that Moreau has leadership qualities, but you don't make a marginal third liner captain in the NHL.

Chris! said...

"... you don't make a marginal third liner captain in the NHL."

Maybe not elsewhere, but in Edmonton you sure do. The Oilers have had what, three captains that actually led by example offensively since Gretzky left town? And that's if you're willing to count Shayne Corson. We haven't had a captain that could put up more than 30 points since Doug Weight was traded.

That said, Horcoff should clearly be made captain. If Moreau finds himself on IR again for any stretch before the end of the season, you have to think the switch will be made.

Anonymous said...

I dunno. Non-offensive players are captains all of the time (ie. Adam Foote, Steve Staios, Mattias Norstrom and of course, Kelly Buchberger).

Colm in Belfast said...

This is my captaincy litmus test. Try to imagine Gary Bettman saying "???? ?????, come forward and collect the Stanley Cup." (I realise that this goes about 48 steps beyond the realm of fantasy for any Oiler this year, but hey, it's fun to pretend).

uni said...

I try not to imagine Gary Bettman saying anything...unless it's "Dear GOD NOOOOOOOO!" as something particularly gruesome happens to him.

Keegan said...

This might be a misguided & rather deated reference but reading your posts on this blog makes up for how much I miss "Life After Gretzky". However I might be in fact completely off the mark here but yeah....

Anonymous said...

Hey Chris, glad to see you're out of the dark and back in the limelight. The three of you make this blog so interesting, now if you could only support MONTREAL??

Chris! said...

Thanks for the kind words, dudes. And Keegan, I miss writing Life After Gretzky, too. Not as much as I miss getting paid to write it, though.