Saturday, April 12, 2008

First-Round Thoughtlettes

- If I was a pro hockey player, I think I'd rather have my carotid artery sliced with a skate and die on the ice with my parents watching instead of getting a slapshot directly into the nuts like Patrick Thoresen did last night. Luckily, Patrick is out of the hospital today, although I hear he doesn't believe in God anymore.

- We've seen some truly Toronto Maple Leafs-esque defensive zone coverage in the first couple of games ofthe opening round — last night's prime example was Washington's defence allowing Vaclav Prospal to skate in and do whatever the hell he wanted ten feet dead-centre in front of Cristobal Huet. Then fittingly, the game was decided when the Flyers' Lasse Kukkonen somehow managed to cause two turnovers in 2 seconds, leading to Alex "perfect ball of energy" Ovechkin's ridiculous game winner.

- I can't figure out which team has looked worse so far: Boston or Ottawa.

- Martin Brodeur has let in two team-crippling softies and is losing the goaltending battle with Henrik Lundqvist, who has been inhuman between the pipes. Just as I sort-of predicted!

PLAYOFF MEMORY OF THE DAY

8 comments:

Rock Deputy said...

getting a slapshot directly into the nuts like Patrick Thoresen

I always assumed they had some cement re-enforced lucite/titanium hybrid down there. Now I'm a little surprised that it doesn't happen more often.

andy grabia said...

I'm just impressed that you are taking the time to enter the code to color the "Playoff Memory of the Day" segment. That first one must have taken you forever.

DMFB said...

Now I'm a little surprised that it doesn't happen more often.

I don't want to get too graphic here, but I know from experience (not me, thankfully, and not nearly as hard a shot, thankfully for the dude who took it) that though cups provide a great deal of protection, the somewhat fluid nature of a man's reproductive organs can lead to shifting, to put it diplomatically, particularly when you start to go horizontal. I would assume that that's what happened to Thor in this case.

Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be icing the sympathy pains out of my testes.

teesix said...

I was doing lines in a Bantam AAA game a few years back, the D-man was clearing the puck out of their defensive zone. He took a slap shot and all I could see that the shot coming straight for me, I turn to the shot and it hit me square in the nuts. The crowd made a collective Ohhhhhhhhh and I hit the ice. I finished the period leaned over until the intermission when I could make sure the boys were still fine. Btw, they say to turn into the shot because all your pads are in the front. I say bullshit, I'd have rather taken that off the ass any day!

ffenliv2 said...

the cup will (usually) give you 'didnt lose your nuts even though it hurt for weeks' protection.

I doubt you could wear anything that would still allow you to play hockey (read: move properly) that would entirely safeguard your nuts. They're in a place with some pretty important joints (read: hips) quite close by.

Rock Deputy said...

I doubt you could wear anything that would still allow you to play hockey

The US military probably has something. I bet those solders have their nuts full bullet-proofed.

Lord Bob said...

The US military probably has something. I bet those solders have their nuts full bullet-proofed.

Probably a good practical solution, too. I mean, heck, we've all taken an armour-piercing round to the gentleman vegetables. This technology should be commercially available!

Kirk said...

Looks like we signed Grebs today!

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=234292&lid=sublink03&lpos=headlines_nhl