Not much to care about in another playoffless spring, but there is Pierre McGuire (seen above in his brief cameo in Schindler's List) embodying every bad sports commentator stereotype in his picking of the Monsters of the Year at TSN.
On Steven Valiquette: "A guy that can make big-time stops at the right time..."
The right time, presumably, is whenever the goddamn puck is shot at him.
On Mike Richards: "I really believe he is the Bob Clarke of the Philadelphia Flyers."
I know he probably meant of the current edition of the Philadelphia Flyers, but c'mon: Clarke literally did not ever play for another NHL team. It's like saying Mercedes is the Rolls Royce of automobiles.
On Dion Phaneuf: "He earned his way back on the team, and that's what made him a Monster this year."
So, Dion Phaneuf was a Monster this year because he was a Monster this year.
Pierre McGuire: Zen monster.
On Ed Jovanoski: "I love the physical intangibles he brought to the game."
The definition of intangible, courtesy dictionary.com: "not tangible; incapable of being perceived by the sense of touch, as incorporeal or immaterial things; impalpable."
Pierre McGuire has officially become too ridiculous to satirize.
On Jarome Iginla: "He grabbed the league by the throat this year and really started to dominate."
Presumably he pussy-footed his way to that Hart trophy. And his two previous 90-point seasons. And his perennial spot in the All-Star Game.
One from Gino Reda, on Alex Ovechkin: "He's so hard to stop because he's so physically strong, which makes him impossible to stop."
Really, Gino, that "because he's so physically strong" is kind of redundant. Haven't you learned anything from Pierre McGuire? Alex Ovechkin is so hard to stop because he's impossible to stop: let's see someone try to argue with that logic.
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