Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Utterly bold playoff predictions

THE EAST

Montreal Vs Boston:
I'm picking Boston. You know why? Because I'm bonkers. Screw their goal differential! It seems like every year a number one seed gets knocked off, and I'll take Montreal over Detroit. With injuries plaguing their best forwards, Boston surprised everyone by even making the playoffs - why not win four more? And hey, it's not a stretch to think that spazzlord Tim Thomas can outplay Carey Price over seven games (for what's it's worth, he does have a higher save percentage).

Ottawa Senators Vs Pittsburgh Penguins: Pens in five. Ottawa doesn't know how to play defence for some reason. Perhaps they've been spoiled by their own success. Alfredsson's injury is the nail in the coffin, anyway.

Philadelphia Flyers Vs Washington Capitals: With all of the feel-good momentum going into the playoffs, everyone wants to see the Caps do well, most of all for the exciting play of Alex Ovechkin, whose exuberant celebrations are only rivaled by Bruce Boudreau, the bald elf that the team hired as coach early in the season. Heart-warming teams like this always seem to lose. Plus, they are still the Caps. Flyers in 6.

New Jersey Devils Vs New York Rangers: I always seem to pick the Rangers for some reason, and they always lose. Why stop now? I don't want to miss out if they actually win this time. Plus, I'm sick of hearing about New Jersey's defence and Martin Brodeur (edit: I wrote this before tonight's flub). They're not that good, or rather, the Rangers stack up rather even in goals against and save percentage. The Rangers have also been the better team late in the season.

THE WEST

Detroit Vs Nashville: It was fashionable last year to write Detroit off as perennial first-round washouts, but even in the new parity-happy McNHL Detroit stands out as a legitimate favourite. I just ... can't ... pick Nashville. They're a good team with a great first line and everything but picking them is like trying to jam opposite magnetic poles together. Can't do it!

San Jose Vs Calgary: BoA's Matt makes a good case for the Flames, and afterall, what's separating these two teams? Seven wins? In the old days of the good ol' 1980s, favourites often went into series with almost twice as many wins as the underdog. So as good as San Jose might be, Matt is right to point out that it's anybody's series. That said, I haven't seen the Flames play well all season, and from what I've seen, team speed seems to be a big problem. Then again, Jarome Iginla suddenly has a faux-hawk which may tip the balance. San Jose sweep.

Minnesota Vs Colorado: Minnesota plays a superior team game, and Colorado's defence has made too many opposing players look good this season, especially Oilers rookies. On the other hand, can Minnesota really play a team game with 4-5 useless goons and maybe one too many defencemen like Sean Hill and Keith Carney? I filled a Gatorade bottle filled with Ryan Smyth's bloody teeth and spun it: Colorado wins.

Anaheim Vs Dallas: Christ. I can't think of two teams that I like least. Anaheim wins it, with only three goals scored in the entire series. Seriously, this one could be really boring. Like 2007 Vancouver-Dallas boring.

GOILERS.

PLAYOFF MEMORY OF
THE DAY:


10 comments:

wuzzles said...

Dammit, who woke up Old Man Yelle?

Matt said...

Ha! Your predictions are already shattered! Go Flames!

Yeah, so, Steve Armitage should maybe think about accepting that retirement package.

Steve said...

1. Play by play guys should not ever call players by their first names while calling games. Ever.
2. Was Trevor Kidd actually the Flames' starter at some point, or was he only in because something had happened with the real goalie?

mike w said...

Ha! Your predictions are already shattered! Go Flames!

I stand by my prediction! The Flames will still be swept. Somehow.

the sieve said...

Did anyone else hear the CBC guys refer to Jarome's haircut as a "fro-hawk"?

Hilarious.

MetroGnome said...

Trevor Kidd was not only the starter in Calgary for awhile, he was the goalie of the future. We picked him over Martin Brodeur, after all.

Dark, dark times.

Doogie said...

Holy spastic Saddledome cameraman, Batman. Also, nice ugly-ass sweaters, Calgary. I never did find out whose dipshit idea those random diagonal stripes were.

And I'm going to come back and laugh when the Habs advance. Fair warning.

Darien said...

I just noticed that once again, Ty Conklin is playing on a contending Stanley Cup team. He had a shot in Buffalo, and now he's having another go with Pittsburgh (and I gotta say, I like his chances in Pittsburgh). What is it about that guy?

T.C. Shaw said...

East: Go, Habs, Go! I can almost hear Danny Gallivan's voice on a clear night with a full moon. Zut alors! C'est formidable!

West: Minnesota, not so much for their play, but for those amazing uniforms: the strangely loud home jerseys look as though they should be made out of that impossibly heavy, itchy wool blend that anyone who played minor hockey in the '70s should still remember (they could absorb ten lbs. in sweat per period!). Olde Tyme hockey, from two cities that get, y'know, winter and everything!

Alex Cooper said...

Boston has been Montreal's bitch for ever, except during the Cam Neely years. Montreal's beaten them 12 straight now, and they're 21-4 against them since the lockout. Basically, Montreal will win in five. But I admire your boldness in picking Boston.