Sunday, July 27, 2008

CinO goes all "corporate"

Starting today, you may notice a new addition to our sidebar, down to the right: fake advertising, which will be updated every once in a while. (Hey, what can we say? The sub-prime mortgage crisis hit us harder than we thought).

First up is a bar chain known as Hudsons, which everyone knows is the worst thing that has ever happened to the city since Bob Layton began appearing on local television.

The Whyte Ave location in particular is the staging area for all riot and near-riot activity in the booze-sodden strip, which comes as no surprise from a chain that advertises with the tag line "Every Day is Canada Day" (which in Edmonton has to be grounds for incitement).

I have a female friend who made the mistake of going there once, and when she went to the bar she ended up having to wait a long time to get a drink. When the bartender finally served her, he suggested that she'd get faster service if she "showed a little more cleavage." I checked their website to read more about their cleavage policy, but I guess it's some kind of unwritten thing.

If I can make one person change their mind about seeing a game at this bar ("Hey, let's go to BPs instead, guys."), then I've done my job. And if anyone has similar stories to tell about Hudsons or rioting in general, feel free to share as we'd love to read them.

In the meantime, we'll just watch all of those fake ad dollars roll in.

15 comments:

johnashton said...

It's all true. Horribly, horribly, true.

I've only been there once, but it was enough to keep me out of there forever.

I was waiting to meet some friends at the bar when this evil 5'5" evil non-irish Leprechaun (he claimed he worked in the oil patch, but I know better) approach me unsteadily and decided we were best friends.

While I'd like to think that I'm a friendly and approachable person, I generally need a little more time to make that kind of bond. But I digress ...

He chose to go one a 15-minute tangent, randomly pointing out other gentlemen (ahem) that he would like to pick fight with, and would I like to join him? Parenthetically, it goes without saying that he was picking out the biggest people in the bar.

It also goes without saying that my numerous attempts to decline politely did nother to deter him. What is more suprising is that two bartenders, standing not three feet away, listening to this and doing f***-all to bail out this humble patron, in spite of the generous tip I had just left, or even beckon the nearby bouncer.

Eventually, I came up with an excuse to flee the evil leprechaun, albeit not without him hugging me for a socially awkward amount of time. Swear to God: I don't hug my mother for that long.

I sprinted from Hudson's, and have not darkened their door since.

But this leads to me to enquire: What is the best place in Oil Country to take in the gamne? If it hasn't been done, It'd make a fun arguement, I'm sure ...

Simon said...

Great story. I can't wait to see what you do with the Iron Horse.

Steve said...

What is the best place in Oil Country to take in the gamne? If it hasn't been done, It'd make a fun arguement, I'm sure ...

For my money, it's RATT. The view is good and the prices are reasonable. Granted, this is a more or less exhaustive list of the place's charms, but it's enough for me.

As for the content of your posts, let me get back to you next week when I'm not longer employed by an organization that derives a good portion of its revenue from your targets.

cynical joe said...

The view is good and the prices are reasonable. Granted, this is a more or less exhaustive list of the place's charms

BEST. FAINT PRAISE. EVER.

Doogie2K said...

I checked their website to read more about their cleavage policy, but I guess it's some kind of unwritten thing.

I went there once, and found that the waitress was very friendly (this is apparently novel), and also sported enough cleavage to lose a small child. For an hour, I enjoyed it.

DMFB said...

The thing I hate most about Hudson's was their taking over of Scholar's (formerly The Library) for their campus location. Granted, Scholar's had pushed that particular bar pretty low, but at least they didn't employ steroided doormen with fucking earpieces to man the front door.

The lone time I've ever been in a Hudson's was for 50-cent draft night at the aforementioned campus location. I got treated to the sites of a popped-collar frat boy puking in the urinal and a teetering bottle blond puking in the entrance to the downstairs washroom. The coup de grace was eavesdropping on one of the most viciously racist conversations I've ever heard, wherein a completely trashed bro tried to pick up a girl by explaining how obviously a bunch of fucking Natives totally broke into where he works and stole some shit. The cherry on top of that particular conversation was when she asked him if they caught the guys. "Nah," he slurred, "we don't know who did it." But it was obviously fucking Natives. They left the bar together not long after.

That this bar is popular enough to get multiple locations is high on my list of reasons to hate to Edmonton.

LittleFury said...

I went to Hudson's once for a friend-of-a friend's going away or birthday party or some bullshit. It wasn't the shitty music, the overpriced drinks or the fucking bros stacked to the rafters that depressed me so much as the knowledge that the exact same scene was being played out up and down the strip and indeed, across the city. In other words, Hudson's is horrible not just on its own demerits, but also for what it says about the youth of Edmonton.

I even hear that the venerable Black Dog is being overrun with the kind of crowd that in happier times would do an about face at the entrance and disappear into the night as fast as their Nikes could carry them.

Art Vandelay said...

I gotta ask: What's a "bro"? Is it, more or less, the wannabe with the white ball cap shown in the illustration?

/dense middle-aged guy

LittleFury said...

Art: essentially. Ballcaps turned at rakish angles, polos with collars turned up (or "popped") or striped shirts (or "stripeys", souped-up cars, gold necklaces etc. Attitudes full of white middle class male entitlement and a propensity for binge drinking and violence.

Here's a tutorial: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Prus said...

I agree with DMFB 'bout the loss of the Library/Scholar/Place with books. Once it became Hudson's it became worse than the Earls just down the block....even considering Earl's swear backed up.

As for places to watch Oiler (or any hockey) games, I kind of agree with Smith. However, the best place I found is 1905 on Jasper. It's got a decent amount of space and screens. Also, killer 'chos.

boopronger said...

I think this is as good as time as any to throw out this link
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Enjoy.

grease trap said...

If I could comment anonymously I would've told you a whopper, but seriously, people would get hurt. And by people, I probably mean me.

And some chick with a heart full of love and trust.

crapsie said...

I'd like to vote for BPs Jasper as a pretty top-notch place to watch the game. I like it so much, that I work there. You've got the pre and post game LRT rushes, a, for the most part, enthusiastic, attentive crowd during the game, and the sound is clear and present. Tho sometimes I wish it weren't when Karius gets at the helm or when Feraro uses big words that he shouldn't.

And, keep in mind, renovations are slated in the lounge for September, there will be even more big screens, full upgrades to HD, and a more swanky feel to the place, all in time for '08-'09.

I will give the nod to the former Mo's as the best place to have watched an Oil game back in its day. Like seriously, if you weren't there three hours before gametime back in the Dallas playoff years... you just weren't gettin a seat.

Smith... come see me at the wood.

Art Vandelay said...

One of those polo poppers recently started frequenting the mattress-back two doors down. I thought he had spent too much time watching his parent's Fine Young Cannibals videos.

After seeing that link, I am reminded of Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles:

"I am depressed."

boopronger said...

oops didnt realize someone beat me to it. My bad.