Wednesday, August 20, 2008

More dispatches from the Olympic armchair

Any Canadian used to watching the same commercials over and over again on the CBC should be familiar with this Bell ad, which I think is about their wireless service but is ostensibly about a dad and his redhead masturbating son. Having watched this ad a few hundred times, I always felt like it missing something, so I added one last line of dialogue to make its message more clear:

Dad: "Matthew, where's the laptop?"
Son: "I dunno."
Dad: "Well, where did you use it last?"
Son: "First I was in my room checking some emails, and then I was in the living room playing some video games -- that was wicked -- and then I was on the deck and watched a video... wait, I know!"
Dad: "Please, don't tell me."
Son: "It's in the bathroom."
Dad (walking away): "yeah, all right, all right..."
Son (calling out):" Left it in the bathroom!"
Dad: "I got it!"
Son: "Because I was masturbating to porn, Dad ...I WAS MASTURBATING TO PORN!!!"

And how about all of those medals for Canada? Now that they've surpassed the medal count from Athens, hand-wringing media stories like "Do we care too much about hockey?" can turn into "Never mind, maintain current hockey-caring levels."


luuuuuuuuurk said...

yeah I was in the bathroom.

I am surprised there isn't more discussion of this weird ginger kid's obvious masturbation on the internet

Lord Bob said...

I think the government needs to release an index measuring our current hockey-caring status and issuing urgent bulletins when we are providing sub-optimal levels of hockey-caring.

I propose that this be named the Department of Giving A Care, that Peter McKay be made minister, and that it receive a budget of $5 billion. We don't need hospitals that much anyway.

the sieve said...

@ lord bob:

Isn't that the Department of Canadian Heritage?