Looking to make a quick buck

Is there a lot of money in getting hockey players to sign hockey cards and 8x10 glossies? There must be. I walked by the usual gang of parasitic middle-age nerds blocking every entrance to the Air Canada Centre on my way to work today, with their Sharpies and clipboards in hand waiting to accost Dominic Moore or whoever. "There's Nick Kypreos!" one called out, and sure enough there he was, walking by briskly talking on his cell phone, although I was amused to see that he was left alone — I guess the signed Kypreos glossy that I saw on eBay is overvalued at 10 bucks and not worth the collectors' time.

All of this leads me to think about the fact that I work two floors down from the NHLPA. When I rode the elevator with Glen Healy this week, should I have hit him up for beer money in the form of a signed O-Pee-Chee, re-sale value $24.30?

No. You know why? Because I am a thirty year-old man. And a proud one at that. It's the same reason I didn't say a word to Craig MacTavish when he sat next to me for an entire flight from Toronto to Edmonton, even though I was this close to blurting something out about playing Zack Stortini on the powerplay.

We are through the looking glass now, people

Not much to say about the Oilers on the eve of their season opener, except that with the demotion of Mathieu Roy and Robbie Schremp the Oilers set roster is almost exactly what most predicted it would be before training camp even started. Unlike last year, I'm sure Schremp will be back with the club for a string of games within two months.

Nothing cooler than the colour black, apparently

The newly relaunched NHL site is actually pretty spiffy but the best feature is being able to see every goal a player has scored starting from last year. Suddenly it's easier to make a case for a player's quality of goals scored, not as a stat or anything, but just as a means of scouting a player's production (all goals are good things, but some are truly better than others). For instance, as everyone should know, that turd-bag Darcy Tucker is a useless hockey player, and it's all laid bare when you watch the video highlights of his 18 goals last year. At a glance:

2 random ping-pong shots off his ass and leg when he wasn't looking
1 on a long pass that gets by a Rangers' defenceman caught snoozing, probably because his team was up 6-0
4-5 rebound stabs at the puck as a late, late trailer on plays created by linemates
1 during a two-man powerplay advantage
2 lucky/highly accurate shots from terrible angles along the boards
1 Empty netter

But hey, what do I know? Good luck with the Colorado Avalanche this year, Darcy, old pal.